Screw You, eHarmony
by voi ch'intrate
Summary: Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Is a lie. Ask me, I would know. I'm Edward Cullen, and for perhaps the last time, I've just let the woman I love get away. OOC, AH, M for Language
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own crap. You guys should know that by now.**

**Prologue**

_"This time, this place, misused, mistakes,  
Too long, too late,  
Who was I to make you wait?  
Just one chance, just one breath,  
Just in case there's just one left."  
-"Far Away" by Nickelback_

Insanity is doing something over and over again, expecting different results. By this definition I can be considered insane. How lovely.

And I guess I am. I've loved the same girl for around twenty years now. I'm past pathetic and well on my way to being a complete and total loser. I mean, I've loved her for practically forever, and she still was completely oblivious to that fact. Nothing more pathetic than a pining loser. At least I'm not the creepy stalker kind of pining loser.

I'm her best friend. I'd do anything for her.

I'm the one who went prom dress shopping with her when we were in high school. I was her first kiss because she insisted on kissing someone she knew she would be friends with afterwards. I'm the shoulder she cries on when she just needs to cry, and I'm the one that goes out to buy her tampons because she's too 'incapacitated' to do so. I'm like her gay friend, minus the gay.

And she's my best friend, too.

She's the girl who stood up for me when I got bullied in high school. She bought me eye-liner and cargo pants with chains on them when I went through my Goth phase. She spoon-fed me pudding when I got my wisdom teeth cut out. And she taught me how to be a gentlemen and where not to put my hands when I'm kissing a girl—not that I've used those skills too much…

And somewhere between sharing peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches when I first moved to Forks in the first grade and sharing secrets and spit in junior high, I fell in love with her—and she fell in love with seemingly every other boy in the great state of Washington…besides me.

But I've waited patiently for her.

And so that fateful day, when she declared that she was tired of dating duds, I saw my window of opportunity.

I would step up and be her knight in shining armor. I wanted to tell her how I felt. As she went on about relationships and dating in general, I formulated my plan—but I hadn't realized that she would crush that plan to smithereens.

"Hey, have you seen those commercials for that new website?" She asked, leaning her head against my shoulder as we watched TV together late that fateful night.

"No," I told her, running my fingers through her long, brownish red hair.

"Well it—" she began to say but her words were cut off as her eyes wandered back to the screen, "Oh here it is, watch it and tell me what you think!"

So I watched it.

The commercial showed a perfectly happy couple, kissing and hugging while standing under apple trees. The smooth, generic announcer voice came over the speakers, "Are you tired of dating? Are you looking for a deeper connection?"

I wanted to scream 'YES', but I refrained and watched her commercial.

I really wasn't paying attention to the ridiculous dating site commentary, more the happy couples prancing across the screen. That could be us. That would be us, but then she turned to me and said, "My friend Angela signed up for that sight and the guy they matched her with is really nice, they're thinking of getting married."

And then she dropped the bomb, "I'm going to sign up. I'm tired of being alone."

Oh no. Hell no. My girl was going to find a boyfriend on the Internet?

But, I couldn't stop her. I couldn't deny her anything she wanted, so I just let her. And for what might be the last time, I let Isabella Swan slip through my fingers.

* * *

**And so it begins.**

****

**Ok, the website in this story is not necessarily eHarmony, it's just a fictional dating site. But eHarmony is probably one of the most popular dating websites, so that's why I used it in the title.**

The updating schedule for this will be every SATURDAY. Until I write more of this story. I'm sorry that you'll have to wait a while between updates, but if people whine about it, it will only make things worse. Because whining makes me not want to write.

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	2. Outgrow

**Chapter 1: Outgrow**

"_Do you remember when we were just kids?  
__And cardboard boxes took us miles from what we would miss,  
__Schoolyard conversations taken to heart,  
__And laughter took the place of everything we knew we were not."  
__-"Inevitable" by Anberlin_

_October 17, 1990_

All great stories have humble beginnings.

The beginning of my story transpired on a foggy October morning in the early 90's. I stood in front of a brownstone building that smelled like Lysol and tempera paint, wishing that I could just turn and run.

Aunt Esme adjusted the straps of my backpack, and then straightened the collar of my Polo shirt. She dusted off my khaki shorts and checked my shoelaces for the fourth time.

It was my first day of school in Forks, and I was terrified but immaculate.

I'd just gone to live with Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle because Dad had been deployed to Afghanistan because of Desert Storm. Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle had never been able to have kids, so they'd taken me in.

Uncle Carlisle was a doctor who had moved from London, England to work in the U.S. Aunt Esme was a self-proclaimed housewife and a volunteer on the rescue squad.

They lived in a Podunk little town in costal Washington state called Forks. Up until I was like eight or nine I'd thought all the towns in Washington were named after cutlery.

Aunt Esme gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, "Are you gonna be ok, Edward?"

I nodded and grasped the handle of my Batman lunchbox tighter and squared my shoulders, I had to be brave. Like Dad. He was always really brave, one day I promised myself I would fight—like him.

So with renewed determination I took to the hallways of Forks Elementary School which were limned with crayon masterpieces and flyers for T-ball and kiddie soccer tryouts.

Esme walked me to my classroom and knocked on the heavy wooden door. The teacher, Miss Elbert, was stout with a thatch of curly, bright red hair. She was also devil incarnate, which I would learn later.

Esme kissed me once more and smoothed my hair as Miss Elbert pulled me into the classroom by my arm and introduced me to everyone.

She told me that there was an empty seat next to Jasper Whitlock—a tall, skinny boy with long white-blonde hair—and so began a great friendship.

Jasper was gangly and Southern and absolutely hilarious. He always gave his opinion on every matter and he always knew the right thing to say. He introduced me to all of the kids in our class and when we got to lunch he dragged me over to a round lunch table inhabited by four other kids.

"My friends and I always sit together at lunch, even though we're in different classes," he intoned dragging me forward to his table.

Jasper introduced everyone to me, pointing to each person in turn, "First, this here is my girlfriend Mary Alice Brandon." He said proudly, holding hands with a little girl with long black hair.

"And there's Emmett Swan he's in the fourth grade"—because when you're in the first grade, eating with fourth graders is quite possibly the coolest thing on the planet—"and then there's Isabella Swan, Emmett's baby sister, next to Bella is Rosalie she's in Emmett's grade."

"Hi there! What's your name?" Emmett said, shaking my hand. I felt strangely grown up, shaking the hand of a big kid. He was really tall and kind of pudgy with dark curly hair.

"Hi," I squeaked back, flexing my fingers. "I'm Edward Cullen."

"Hi Edward!" Everyone chirped like a support group.

Hi, my name is Edward and twenty years from now I'll be a pathetic loser. Hi Edward.

Jasper ushered me to a seat next to Isabella. Isabella Swan. He was chattering on about something, but I wasn't paying attention to Jasper—I was enthralled by Isabella Swan.

She had long, brownish red hair that was French braided down her back. She had the most pretty dark brown eyes. The colour of chocolate or mud or coffee. She wore a pair of faded denim overalls and a shirt with flowers embroidered on it. She smiled at me, showing me a grin that was missing a front tooth.

"Hi, Isabella," I said, trying not to blush.

"Call me Bella," she said quietly.

"Bella," I breathed. Gosh, she was the prettiest girl I'd ever seen.

"What kind of sandwich do you have?" She asked amiably, indicating to her own Jiff peanut-butter on Wonder bread.

"I've got a jelly sandwich," I said, holding up the little plastic baggie with my sandwich in it.

"Why just jelly?" She asked.

"Why just peanut-butter?" I challenged.

She harrumphed and swiped my sandwich. She then proceeded to dissect both of our sandwiches, replacing one jelly-coated slice of my sandwich with a peanut-buttery one of her own. Then she put the extra pieces together. She laid both new sandwiches on the tabletop and then smashed them together with the palms of her hands.

"There, now we both have PB & J sandwiches," she said, grabbing hers and taking a big bite.

It was then that I started to love Bella Swan. To this day I cannot eat a PB & J sandwich without thinking about her.

And thus, it began.

From then on, Bella and I were in a word: inseparable. She was in Mrs. Loren's class in the classroom next to mine. I begged Aunt Esme to let me change classes—I told her it was because Miss Elbert was an alien or from hell or something—but really, it was just because I wanted to be in the same class as Bella.

Finally, after Spring Break of that year, Esme gave in and went to the school to ask for a change of class. The next morning I walked into Bella's classroom, proud as a peacock.

I even got to sit in the desk next to her.

I was the luckiest boy in the world.

She was smart and funny and gorgeous. I came home after my first day in class with her with a smile on my face that no one could wipe off. Someone could have told me that Santa Claus wasn't real that day and I still would have smiled.

Uncle Carlisle figured out pretty quickly that I had a crush on a girl. But it wasn't just any crush. I was in love with her.

Aunt Esme told me not to get my hopes up, but I told her that I would never love another girl. I knew that Esme thought I would outgrow my love of Bella Swan; but, that has yet to be seen.

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**These first couple of chapters are going to be the past to set the stage for the present story. I loved writing Little Edward! He's a cutie! **

**Happy Halloween!! Please leave a review!**


	3. The Buccinator and Occipital Oris

**Chapter 2: The Buccinator and Occipital Oris**

"_I like where we are,  
__When we drive in your car,  
__I like where we are here.  
_'_Cause our lips can touch,  
__And our cheeks can brush,  
__Our lips can touch. Here."  
__-"Here (In Your Arms)" by Hellogoodbye_

_August 17, 1997_

It had been six years to the day that my father was killed in action overseas. Bella accompanied me to his grave as she had done every year. After his death I had moved in permanently with Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle.

It was the summer when I had just turned thirteen and I started to realize that Bella was no longer a little girl. She was older and taller and had boobs. It was really bizarre that Bella, my best friend and secret crush, was growing up.

Of course, so was I. My voice was getting super weird. I squeaked on certain words and got really deep on others. I felt like the ugly duckling, going through an awkward phase. Of course Bella was beautiful as ever—she had perfectly straight teeth and clear skin. And I was the Beast, with a metal-covered smile and acne and Coke-bottle glasses.

She held my hand as I set a bouquet of wildflowers near my parents' headstone. I'd never known my mother and I barely remembered my father. I wished I could remember them.

Bella squeezed my hand tightly in hers, rubbing the pads of her fingertips over the back of my hand.

"You ok, Edward?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah," I said, trying not to look at her. I didn't want her to see my red-rimmed eyes. I was always overemotional on August 17. I always felt so alone on that day. Even with Bella and our gang of friends, I still felt solitary.

"You still up to going to the movies with us?" Bella asked, rocking back on her heels. She had on a pair of ripped up shorts and a Backstreet Boys T-shirt that was starting to get holes in it, she wore it so much.

"What movie?" I asked in my squeaky, changing voice.

"Em wants to go see Men in Black again," she said with a shrug, keeping my hand in hers.

Emmett and Rosalie had both recently acquired their driver's licenses so it was officially their job to drive us 'little kids' around wherever we wanted to go. But because of them we got to go to the movies. A lot.

Emmett and Rosalie always sat in the back row and made out or groped or something, and Alice and Jasper had started to give each other tentative kisses, so that left me alone with Bella.

Not that I was complaining.

I still had my crush on her, but I was starting to realize just how hard it was to be a teenager let alone have to worry about a girl, too.

She tugged me away from my thoughts as she started walking back to the parking lot of the cemetery and to her brother's big Jeep. He smiled slightly at us. It wasn't his usual jovial grin—he knew today to be gentle around me, and I was grateful to him for that.

He helped me and Bella into the backseat next to Jasper and Alice. We all crammed into the Jeep and then Emmett was speeding down the road on the way to the movie theater.

Alice was practically on Jasper's lap—which I was sure he didn't mind. Unlike me, Jasper was aging gracefully. He'd grown into his gangly limbs and his voice had already deepened to a rich baritone with a Southern twang.

Alice had cut off all of her hair into a stylish pixie cut and was wearing a plaid skirt and knee-high white stockings paired with a white top knotted in the front. She was on a Brittany Spears kick.

Emmett jerked the Jeep into a parking spot and we all slithered out of the backseat. Emmett's driving always made me sick to my stomach. Bella rubbed my back gently; she was used to his horrible driving.

"You want me to get you a Fanta?" She asked quietly, dropping her hand away from my back. I ached to replace the contact, but I knew that if I asked her to keep rubbing my back it would be weird.

I nodded and she skipped off to the concession counter and ordered a large drink and a small popcorn. I lagged back, keeping an eye on the 'couples' of our group—but my attention was torn away from them when I noticed the teenager behind the counter flirting with Bella.

My Bella.

And she was flirting back.

It was then that I realized that Bella would probably never want to have anything to do with me. I was weird and socially awkward and ugly. Besides I was just her friend.

I edged closer to them, watching as Bella twisted her macramé friendship bracelet nervously around her wrist.

"What's your name?" The boy asked. He was tall and looked like he was in high school.

"I'm Bella," she replied, looking at him from under her lashes.

"I'm Mike," he said offering her his hand. She shook it. "You're Emmett Swan's baby sister aren't you?"

"Yeah," she mumbled, blushing.

"You're really cute, you know," Mike intoned, fiddling with the drink machine behind the counter. A stream of purple soda shot out of the fountain into the cup and it almost spilled over the edge because the loon was staring at my Bella instead of looking at what he was doing.

He pulled the drink out from under the stream sheepishly and snapped the lid over it.

He handed Bella a straw and she looked at him uncomfortably, "Um, I need two straws…"

"Oh," Mike said and his face fell. He fished around under the counter for another straw.

Bella, noticing his sullen expression tried to amend, "I'm just sharing it with my friend"—she put way too much emphasis on the word 'friend' for my liking—"we always share a drink."

"Oh, I thought maybe you had a boyfriend," Mike said, handing her the extra straw.

"No, I don't have a boyfriend," she said coquettishly. I came up behind her and snatched the drink out of her hand.

"Hey," she whined at me, elbowing me in the ribs. "That was rude."

"Sorry," I muttered and took a long sip of the drink and stalking away to go sit on the benches under the movie posters.

Bella looked torn between staying and flirting with Mike and coming to sit by me. But she chose Mike—the other guy—over me. Story of my life.

She wrote her phone number on the back of his hand and then skipped over to me. I glared darkly at her. "I can really see that you feel my pain today."

She planted her fists on her hips and harrumphed at me, "Whatever, Edward. You were rude to me."

I rolled my eyes and then stalked towards the theater; Bella tagging after me, muttering under her breath. Whatever, so what if I pissed her off. I didn't care. I was angrier with myself for not being cool like Mike the Movie Theater Boy, or being popular and famous like one of the Backstreet Boys.

I was just stupid, old Edward. Moody and juvenile.

Bella and I sat on opposite ends of the theater, glaring at each other instead of laughing at the movie. Alice and Jasper were perched in the front row, snuggling with each other. And Emmett and Rose were getting hot and heavy in the back of the movie theater.

I still had the Fanta and Bella had the popcorn and they really were no good without each other. Kind of like us. I was no good without Bella and without me she would've been lonely. So by the time the crazy lady who's husband was an alien—or something like that, I wasn't really paying attention to the movie—was spewing some crap about an 'Edgar Suit', Bella and I had moved to sit together.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, stabbing the extra straw through the lid of the drink and taking a long swallow.

I shoved my hand into the bag of half-eaten popcorn, "It's ok."

"Why were you being mean, Edward?" She asked.

I shrugged, because I wasn't going to tell her that I was insanely jealous of the Popcorn Boy. "I'm just having an off day."

"I know," she said quietly and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Hey Edward," she asked after a little while.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I've never been kissed," she intoned, drawing the words out as her cheeks flushed delicious pink.

"I know," I whispered back.

"Edward, I want you to kiss me."

I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. Heaven right there in the middle of the movie theater with the sticky floor and Bella's burly older brother in the back, probably kissing with one eye open and fixed on us.

"What?" I squeaked, my heart was pounding and my palms were sweaty.

"I want you to be my first kiss, Edward. I know you'll always be there for me. It won't change anything in our relationship," she said in a rush.

I tried to conceal how much that truly disappointed me, but she was giving me an excuse to kiss her. I could kiss her.

Before she could say another word, I bent my head to hers and pressed my lips against her soft, red mouth. She tasted like salt and grape soda.

And those were the best four seconds of my life. Dear God.

Bella jerked away, her brown eyes wide open. "Thank you, Edward."

I sighed, my little fantasy was over. I'd kissed Bella and then we were just friends again.

We'd always be just friends.

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**Whoever can tell me what the name of this chapter means gets a special preview of the next chapter!**

**I've decided to change my updating schedule. Saturday's and Wednesday's. I've written far enough ahead to post twice a week. (I know, I know, techincally this chapter came out on Thursday. But I couldn't get on the Internet last night to post this chapter, so it's a little late. Deal with it.)**

**Outfits from this chapter and the last chapter are on my profile. I found Polyvore a little while ago and have been addicted ever since. Go check them out, if you want.**


	4. A Night to Remember

**Chapter 3: "A Night to Remember"**

"_It's in the blood, it's in the blood.  
__I met my love before I was born.  
__She wanted love, I taste of blood."  
__-"Love Like Winter" by AFI_

_May 18, 2002_

Our senior prom's theme was "A Night to Remember". And it was a night I would definitely remember. But not for good reasons.

I, of course, was dateless. Which really wasn't that big of a surprise.

And Bella had guys lining up to ask her to the dance—which also wasn't much of a surprise.

What was a surprise, however, was that we'd remained friends even through the black hole that was high school. I had grown into a gawky awkward teen with a love of Nintendo games and grunge. She was pretty and shy and the object of many high school crushes.

I wanted so badly to ask her to that final dance of our high school carriers, but her steady boyfriend of the last four years was probably who she would opt to go with.

The minute she stepped into the hallways as a ninth grader, Mike the Movie Theater Goon had snatched her up. Emmett wasn't too happy about it, because he was convinced that Mike was a perv—which he was—and that he'd get Bella pregnant—which she knew better than to let happen. But still, she dated him. Even after he graduated they stayed together. Which was weird—word on the street was that he was going to propose to her once she graduated.

I hated the word on the street.

But I still supported her, because I loved her and I wanted her to be happy…even if I wasn't part of the equation.

So I found myself lying on my stomach on her bed about two hours before prom, waiting for her to return in her dress. She wanted to make sure it looked ok, so she asked me to come over and help her get ready.

I thought it was a little odd that she asked me, not Alice, to come help her. But I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

I heard her curse and stumble around in the bathroom and I debated internally whether to see if she needed help or not. She suddenly groaned and called out, "Edward."

I obediently trotted to the bathroom door and tentatively knocked.

"Edward, here's the deal," she said in a no-nonsense tone, "I need you to zip me up."

I groaned. Not good, Bella. Not good.

Was she trying to kill me?

"C'mon Edward, just do it, it won't kill you," she huffed from the other side of the door.

I took a deep breath and pushed my glasses up my nose, "Fine, open the door." I told her with as much manly resolve as I could muster.

She cracked the bathroom door open and turned so that her back was facing me.

The zipper dipped all the way to the curve of her rump. I had to take another shaky breath to steady myself. I tried not to pay attention to the expanse of creamy skin exposed by the zipper—or the fact that apparently her dress didn't allow her to wear proper undergarments for a lady.

I coughed nervously, fiddling with the zipper a little because my hands were shaking at an embarrassing rate.

"Seriously, Edward. It's a zipper not rocket science," she said.

I rolled my eyes and swept the zipper up in one single motion. The dress fit snuggly after I was finished and I almost didn't want her to turn around so I could see the front.

Her dress was a soft, downy blue that made her pale skin look luminescent. Her hair was a mess of intricate braids that Alice had artfully constructed earlier that day.

She had rows of cosmetics lined up on the sink—dangerous looking eyelash curlers and several tubes of lip gloss. Her own makeup was dark around the eyes and her lips were dark red and pouty and I wanted so badly to kiss her again.

"So," she asked, doing a little twirl, "how do I look?"

Stunning.

Mouthwatering.

Heart-stopping.

"Y-you look good," I stuttered even though good didn't seem to cover it.

She smiled and squeezed my hand, "You should go get ready, too."

I shook my head, "I changed my mind. I'm not going." I really, really don't want to see you dancing and flirting with that good-for-nothing loser. I really don't need to feel that jealousy. Please don't make me, Bella.

"Come on, Edward! This is a milestone, you have to go to prom," she protested.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, "I'm tired. I don't want to go."

"Please, Edward, you'll enjoy yourself. I promised," Bella pleaded.

I rubbed my forehead, scratching my eyebrow ring. "I have a headache."

"Sure you do." She glared at me and then sighed, "Fine, Edward, don't go."

"Good, thanks for the approval, Mom." I retorted sarcastically.

She growled and pushed past me and stalked to her room. She slammed the door and I heard the familiar metallic clink of the lock sliding into place.

I sighed and made my way down the stairs.

Charlie was in the living room, drinking a beer and watching some baseball game. I waved to him on my way out and jogged through the misting rain to my Volvo. I slid behind the wheel and started up the windshield wipers.

When I got home, I powered up my N64.

I was just getting into the game when someone tall, blonde and Southern blocked my view.

"You're playing Ocarina of Time—you must've had a bad day," Jasper said, tossing a little plastic carton containing a corsage between his hands. "Why aren't you in your tux?"

"I'm not going," I said, leaning around him so that I could see my game. Truth be told I hadn't even rented a tux because I had made up my mind months before that I would not be attending prom.

"Dude, what the hell's wrong with you?" Jasper demanded. "This could be your chance to steal Bella away from that stupid perv."

Jasper was the only person in our little circle of friends that knew that I was in love with Bella. Everyone disliked Mike, but Jasper was always trying to come up with ways to break them up and get Bella and me together. His plans always, always failed.

"I'm not going, Jazz. Just drop it." I said, kicking him out of the way.

He fell onto the couch next to me. "So why aren't you going? Do you even have a good reason?"

"I just don't like watching them together," I muttered, cleaning my glasses with the hem of my sweatshirt.

"You could profess your undying love to her and then beat the crap out of Mike and steal your girl away," he said.

"Yeah, I don't think so," I said.

"Fine, die a virgin," Jasper said, getting up off the sofa. "I have to go pick Alice up. If you change your mind, you can come with Alice and me. We're having a bonfire at my house after the dance."

I nodded, wondering if they would be mad if I just went to the fire and not prom.

I sighed and looked at the clock on the wall. The dance was starting in thirty minutes. Forget it, I didn't want to go to the damn thing and see Bella there with her boyfriend.

I got back into my game, beating a temple quickly and not allowing myself to stare at the clock on the wall.

Esme and Carlisle had gone out on a date that evening and came in after about an hour. "Edward!" Esme exclaimed, "what are you still doing here?"

"I didn't want to go," I said nonchalantly.

"Why not?" Esme asked, sitting on the couch next to me.

"I just didn't," I replied, un-pausing my game and trying to brush her off.

Carlisle leaned over the back of the couch, "This is because of Bella isn't it?"

I choked on my own spit, "What do you mean?"

"Son, we've known that you've had a crush on her since you were little," he said with a chuckle.

"I do not have a crush on her," I responded, ducking my head and praying that they didn't notice the fact that I was blushing intensely.

"Of course you do," Carlisle said, and I really wanted him to shut up, "or you're in love with her. Whichever it is, we've always known. Now you can either sit here and play Zelda, wallowing in self pity, or you could go out there and fight for her."

"She's got a steady boyfriend," I muttered.

"Who cares?" He replied, waving his hand through the air, "Esme was engaged when I first met her."

My head whipped around to stare at my aunt. She shrugged sheepishly. "Carlisle was so good looking…"

"Oh my God, you're a home-wrecker, Carlisle," I said.

"Oh hush," he growled and tousled my hair. "The point is, it's never too late. You'll never get the girl unless you fight for her."

I stared at them and sighed. "I don't even know if I have something to wear."

"Alice brought your tux over earlier," Esme shrugged and trotted over to the coat closet and produced a garment bag. She unzipped it quickly and produced a tux in exactly my size. The vest and bow tie were the exact shade of Bella's dress. My mouth popped open.

I took the garment bag from her.

I changed in the downstairs bathroom. I wetted my hair trying to tame it, but to no avail. I'd have to just have to settle with my regularly messy hair. I pushed my glasses up my nose and nodded to my reflection in the mirror.

I came out of the bathroom and Carlisle wolf-whistled. I glared at him. He handed me my old beat-up Converse.

"You want me to wear Converse with a tux?" I asked.

"Why not?" He asked with a smile, "Didn't Bella buy those for you?"

I narrowed my eyes at him and pulled the shoes onto my feet.

"Hurry up, Edward! You want to be able to at least dance one dance with her!" Esme said, pushing me out the door and handing me her umbrella. "Take this, it's raining cats and dogs out there."

I nodded and popped the umbrella open, holding it over my head so that I wouldn't get soaked. I slid into my Volvo and sped off towards the school. I knew the dance would be ending soon and I wanted to dance with Bella. I needed to dance with her.

I pulled into the parking lot and yanked Esme's floral print umbrella out of the passenger seat.

There were two figures standing under the overhang in front of the gym, they looked like they were making out. I stood, staring at them with the kind of fascination that makes people stare at car crashes as they drive by.

The man was tall and had the girl pressed against the brick siding. I couldn't see her because he was blocking her from my view. Suddenly he leaned to the side and I saw her. My Bella.

Mike's hands dug into her waist as she hit him with her small clutch bag.

"Mike, get off me," she protested, hitting him in the head.

"No," he growled and then his hands traveled north so that he was cupping her…in that area. I swallowed thickly as rage tinted my vision red.

I dropped Esme's umbrella and sprinted across the parking lot and tackled Mike to the ground. I was glad that over my adolescent years I'd grown tall and lanky. I easily overpowered him.

"You never touch a lady like that," I said, punctuating each word with a punch to his sick face.

"You sick, pervert!"

"Edward, Edward stop!" Bella called, tugged on my shoulder. I pushed her hand away and continued to pound Mike into oblivion.

"Edward calm down you'll hurt yourself," she said. I took a deep, shaky breath and stared at Mike. He had two streams of blood coming from his nose and a black eye. If she hadn't of stopped me I'm sure I would have given him brain damage. If he even had a brain to damage.

"Are you alright, Bella?" I asked, finding my voice.

"I'm fine," she replied even though it sounded like a question.

"He didn't hurt you?" I asked.

She shook her head and blushed.

Mike pushed me off him and pressed his nose between his fingers. "You broke my nose you fag!"

Bella stomped her foot and then kicked Mike in the side, "Don't call my best friend that! We're over, Mike! Go to hell!"

Mike glared at her and then gathered his dignity and left. I wanted to go after him and run him over with my car but I figured Bella would be upset if I did that.

Bella grabbed my hand in hers and inspected my knuckles.

"The blood isn't going to make you sick is it?" I asked, not really wanted to have to explain to Alice why there was blood and vomit on my tux.

She shook her head, "No. I'll be ok."

I nodded and watched her curiously as she fished around inside her clutch to find a tissue which she used to mop the blood off my hand. "Thank you," she said quietly, concentrating on her work.

"For what?" I asked, pretending that my knuckles weren't throbbing.

"For coming and for being my knight in shining armor," she teased.

I smiled at her and leaned forward to press a kiss to her brow, "I just came so that I could dance with the prettiest girl in the school, saving you is all in a day's work for me."

She grinned, "Ok, we'll you're all clean—no more gore on your hands—so go find this pretty girl of yours and ask her to dance."

"I've already found her," I whispered.

She smiled at me, "I hope you know that your pretty girl can't dance."

"Then I guess it's a good thing that your knight can."

* * *

**This is the last flashback chapter. This kind of sets the stage for Edward and Bella's relationship in the present.**

**The prom outfits from this chapter are on my profile.**

**Please review!**


	5. Unrequited Lovers

**Chapter 4: Unrequited Lovers**

"_It gains the more it gives,  
__And then it rises with the fall,  
__So hand me that remote,  
__Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?"  
__-"Let Go" by Boys Like Girls_

_Present Day_

"Edward Cullen, pathetic loser extraordinaire, who is this how may I help you?" I said as I flipped my cell phone open, not bothering to even check the caller ID. Only a handful of people called me, and they would all be used to my answering the phone in strange ways. At least I wasn't like Emmett and his, 'Buddy, the Elf, what's your favourite colour?'.

"Jasper Hale, happiest man on the planet, and you, pathetic loser extraordinaire, can help me a lot," Jazz replied, laughing at my greeting.

I rolled my eyes and kicked off my shoes, "What can I help you with, happiest man on the planet?"

"Happiest man on the planet desperately needs a rain check for today's work out session," Jasper replied, sounding tired.

We usually worked out on Monday mornings, but apparently not. And damn, I was really counting on getting his opinion on something, "What's wrong?"

"Alice has got the flu so I have to take care of her," he said. Ever the wonderful, doting boyfriend. It made me want to be sick.

I nodded, "Ok. Tell her I hope she feels better."

"Will do. Thanks, man," Jasper said and then the line went dead.

I sighed and beat my forehead against the tabletop in front of me. I had a new set of photographs freshly developed that I had to go over and choose for my latest exhibit. And I could barely keep my eyes open and I didn't have my second best friend to vent to. I need coffee and an open ear and a good hangover cure.

I hadn't slept at all the night before partly because I stayed up late drinking and then when I did eventually fall into a slumber all I could dream of was Bella marrying some creepy guy off the Internet.

I felt like my Bella was becoming a mail-order bride.

I sighed again and forced myself to drink more of my coffee.

I'd recently done a set of still life photographs in a contre-jour style and I needed to figure out which ones would be on display.

I heard a key turn the lock to my apartment and then Bella was rushing into the kitchen, a flurry of noise and light too early in the morning.

She set a couple of paper bags of groceries on my counter and then fluttered beside me to look over my shoulder. "I like that one," she said, pointing to a solitary pine against a gray, storm-cloud backdrop.

"Me too," I said setting it back into a manila folder full of the other photos I wanted to showcase.

"You look like crap," she said, looking over the rest of the photographs.

"Thanks, Bella," I said, sipping my coffee gingerly.

"Well you do, have you been drinking again?"

"No," I lied. Hoping that she wouldn't find the discarded bottle of tequila in my trash can.

She sighed and plopped down in a chair beside me, "I did it."

"Did what?" I asked distractedly, trying to find another picture and ignore the pounding headache behind my eyelids.

"I signed up for that dating website," she said, smiling.

I coughed and took another sip of my coffee, "I hope it works out for you, Bella."

She smiled warmly at me and then gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, Edward. Well, I'm off, just wanted to drop by and say hello."

"Alright, have a good day," I told her, watching her retreat through the hallway leading to my front door. It slammed closed and I tried not to flinch at the loud noise. I heard her lock it once more.

I licked my parched lips and pushed my chair away from the table. I changed into my work-out clothes and quickly jogged to the gym. I was going to have to take it easy because I still felt queasy, so I counted it as a blessing that Jasper wasn't there. I would probably have gotten some lecture that even though I was an artist that didn't mean I had to drink myself to an early grave.

I set myself up on a treadmill and started in on a light jog. I felt like I was going to throw-up so I took a quick sip of my water.

My thoughts were consumed with Bella and some random, faceless Internet guy who was going to steal her way from me. Those thoughts made me want to vomit even more.

When I was covered in a light sheen of sweat I shut the machine off and went to the locker room to take a shower. I let the hot water run over my face to try to sooth my pounding headache. I thought exercise was supposed to cure hangovers?

I turned the water off and pulled my jeans and T-shirt on.

I trotted to my favourite coffee shop to pick up a latte. Because I was in serious need of some more coffee. My phone rang in the pocket of my hoodie and I fished it out.

"Hey, Emmett," I said after glancing at the caller ID.

"Save me," he said by way of greeting.

"What from?" I asked.

"My wife. She's gone off the deep end."

"That's what you get for getting married and having babies," I told him. We'd all teased Emmett when he'd married Rosalie several years ago—no one thought he was the 'settle down and have kids' type. Apparently, he had us all fooled.

"Rosalie has decided that she's going to do her spring cleaning," he said.

"It's late summer."

"Exactly." He retorted. "She's cleaning out all of the closets and scrubbing floors and hauling boxes around the attic. I already called Bella and she told me to help Rose; but I can't do that man. There's a Mariners game on this afternoon. I can't be cleaning crap and watch the game at the same time!"

I sighed. "You should help her so she doesn't hurt herself."

"I'll help her, but please Edward, let me come to your place to watch the game."

"Fine," I sighed. I'd give him a beer and the remote and pretend he wasn't there.

"You're a godsend, Eddie!" He said and then hung up.

I groaned and then took a sip of my latte.

My life consisted of taking pictures, catering to my friends' needs and silently loving Bella. Edward Cullen, pathetic loser extraordinaire for sure.

I trudged back to my apartment, determined to work on my exhibit before Emmett came over and distracted me.

Around two, Emmett knocked on my door. He smelled like Orange Glow and Clorox wipes.

"She's started in on our bedroom," he informed me.

"I'd be afraid of what she'd find in there," I teased.

"Me too." He replied seriously. "She's gone completely postal. It's bizarre."

"Maybe she's nesting," I said, recalling some crap I'd learning in my biology class in college—which I'd only taken to please Uncle Carlisle.

"She's only been pregnant for eight weeks!" He protested. "But she's convinced the house needs to be clean to provide a 'good environment' for the duration of her pregnancy."

"Just let her be." I shrugged.

"That's what I intend to do," he nodded. "So what's new with you, Eddie?" He asked, edging his way towards the fridge. He opened it and grabbed a beer, flipping the tab down and taking a long gulp.

"Umm…I'm working on a new exhibit," I said, shuffling through the glossy prints.

He leaned over my shoulder and stared at the pictures, "They look dreary."

"I like them," I said, offended.

"Of course you do, you're a little emo photographer," he said off-handedly.

I glared at him. "This is the thanks I get for letting you use my TV?"

"Sorry, buddy," he said shaking my shoulder and then he trotted into the living room.

"So how are things with you and my baby sister?" Emmett teased. One night Jasper had gotten staggeringly intoxicated and had drunk-dialed Emmett and spilled the beans about my one-sided love of Bella. Of course, he teases me about it endlessly because there's nothing funnier than an unrequited romance.

"Not good," I replied, sitting on the couch next to him.

"Why?" Emmett asked, flipping through the channels until he found his game.

"She signed up for some dating website."

Emmett's head wiped around so quickly it reminded me of Linda Blaire in The Exorcist. "You let her sign up for some online booty call?"

"First of all, I didn't let her. She didn't ask my permission—she's a big girl she can do what she wants. And besides it's none of my business, if she's happy than that's all I could ask for."

"Sometimes, Edward, you're such a woman."

I kicked him hard in the shin, "Seriously. She wants to get married, and this is her way of finding Mr. Right."

"What about you?" He asked, "You'd just let her marry some guy she met online?"

"If she was happy," I shrugged.

Emmett stared at me, his eyes hard, "You love her, Edward. I would never have let the girl I love slip through my fingers."

"See, that's not the point," I said, not really wanting to discuss my relationship—or lack thereof—with Bella to her older, intimidating, brother. "I've never had the option of being her boyfriend."

"Yes you have, you've just never seized the opportunity. Carpe diem, Edward!"

I rolled my eyes at him, "Yeah well, she's signed up for this Internet mail-order groom crap, so I'm pretty much doomed to love her from a distance."

"You give up too easily," he said.

"Emmett, don't you think she would have said something earlier if she had thought we should be together? It's not really in Bella's nature to sit back and wait for things to come to her. She's always actively pursued her dreams. If she wanted me in the picture, she would have done so long ago."

"Sometimes I think she doesn't know what she wants," he said softly, turning his can around between his thick hands.

"She does," I said. "She wants to get married—she wants to find someone who loves her unconditionally for who she is. Someone who falls asleep thinking about her and wants to wake up with her there beside him."

"You just described yourself," Emmett pointed out.

"But she doesn't know that's how I feel," I said, trying not to feel sorry for myself.

"And whose fault is that?" Emmett demanded. "You should have told her a long time ago that you love her."

"I should do a lot of things, Emmett. But confessing to Bella that I love her is not one of them. She's content with the way things are with us now. We're friends and if that's good enough for her then it's good enough for me."

Even though, it really wasn't.

* * *

**I'm sorry I didn't update on Wednesday. I've had a really hectic last couple of days and it all kind of started on Wednesday, so I didn't have time to update...and then Thursday was horribly busy so I couldn't even do a late update. I'm really sorry guys, but even though I've had the last two days off of school because of a teacher's confrence, I've had a crap-load of homework. I have two projects due by Monday, one of which is so time-consuming that I've spent the greater majority of the last three days working on and it's barely half way done. So that's my excuse. Deal with it.**

**We're finally on the present day chapters! I know it was a long time coming.**

**Oh, and bonus prize: I'm posting two chapters today because I didn't post on Wednesday. This is my bribe so that reviewers don't get antsy.**


	6. The Worst Critique

**Chapter 5: The Worst Critique **

"_And now we both have separate lives and lovers,  
__Insignificantly enough, we both have significant others,  
__Only time will tell, time will turn and tell,  
__We are who we were when,  
__Could've been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend."  
__-"A Day Late" by Anberlin_

The opening night of my new exhibit was a complete success. The room was buzzing with people all a little tipsy from the champagne.

The pictures were amazing, and due to the dim lighting they look even more eerie.

It had been almost a month since Bella had signed up for that ridiculous dating website and I was pleased to know that she hadn't been matched with anyone yet. I was hoping that if the whole dating website thing was a bust, maybe I could make a move.

Jasper and I were leaning against a far wall, each holding a near-empty champagne flute.

"Well, Mr. Photographer Man, how do you think the night is going?" Jazz asked.

"I think it's going rather well," I said, smiling slightly as I saw several prominent art collectors eyeing a certain piece. "I've had a lot of acclaimed critics and collectors tell me how much they love the pieces."

He nodded and raised his champagne glass to me, "Congrats, man."

"Thanks," I smiled, taking a sip of my own drink.

"Have you seen Bells yet?" He asked, taking the last sip of his champagne.

"No, why?" I asked.

"She brought a date," he said, his Southern drawl coming through.

I turned to stare at him, "She what?" She wouldn't dare.

She wouldn't bring a date to flaunt him in front of me at my own art exhibit? Would she?

"Who is he?" I demanded, shaking Jasper's shoulders.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" He asked, pushing me away. "Alice met him and then she came and told me so that I could tell you so that you wouldn't have an aneurysm when she brings The Date to come meet The Best Friend."

I groaned and rubbed my forehead, scratching at my eyebrow ring, "What do I do if he's a total douche bag?"

Jasper laughed lightly, "If he is, you can very nicely kick him in a very strategic place, steal Bella away and make hot passionate—"

I kicked him in the ankle as I saw Bella approaching with a tall blonde man. She was dressed to the nines in a short cocktail dress with flowers on it, beside her, her date looked horribly casual to be attending the opening of an art exhibit. He had long hair swept away from his face in a pony tail. He was dressed in jeans, flip-flops and some ridiculous black vest.

All the blood drained from my face when I realized who he was.

James Belmont.

He was the most critical art critic in all of Seattle. And he had his arms wrapped around my girl.

My mouth dropped open. I saw him point to one of my pictures, laugh and then whisper something in my Bella's ear.

I wanted to punch him. Hard. In that snide mouth of his.

Bella led him over to me by the hand, "James, this is my best friend and the photographer, Edward Cullen."

He shook my hand and then gave me a smug grin, "So you're the photographer, eh? Just out of school are you?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. That was a poorly veiled insult if I'd ever heard one. "No, actually. I've been doing professional photography for about five years now."

"Oh," he said, pursing his lips, "well…"

I smiled tightly at him, "I'm sure Bella can tell you about some of my past work, if it interests you."

He stared at me drolly, "I'm sure you know who I am, so then you know I know all about your past work."

I glared at him, and Bella decided to jump into the conversation. I swear, we could have cut the tension with a knife before she spoke.

"So, Edward, I really do love your new pictures," she said softly, taking my hand in hers and squeezing it.

"Thanks, Bells," I said, squeezing her hand back. It was at times like this that I could close my eyes and pretend that Bella hadn't signed up for an Internet dating site and that said dating site had matched her with a complete pain in the butt.

"Come on, Bella, let's go get some champagne," James said, pulling her away from me.

Her fingers slid away from mine and it felt like my heart stopped beating. She gave me a sympathetic look and then let that smug idiot lead her away. He grinned over the top of her head at me and then they disappeared into the sea of people.

Jasper, who I had forgotten was standing beside me, said, "Well damn. He was a jerk."

I couldn't say anything, because if I were to have opened my mouth I would have either vomited or let loose a string of curses that would have made a sailor blush.

Jasper put his hand on my shoulder, "I still think you should punch him and throw Bella over your shoulder, caveman-style, and hightail it out of here."

I stared at him, "I would if I could, Jazz."

"So what's stopping you?"

"Look how happy she is." I said, pointing to her. Just as I said it, James said something that made Bella tip her head back and laugh. The action sent shooting pain straight through my chest.

"She could be happier," Jasper hedged.

"Maybe," I said as I watched her chew her lip as James whispered something in her ear.

"She could be happier with you," Jasper insisted.

"I'm just her friend," I told him, not taking my eyes off of James and my woman. I wanted to randomly yell 'hand check' or 'save room for Jesus', but I refrained.

"And she's just the woman you love," Jasper retorted.

I sighed. "We need to stop thinking about her as the woman I love. It's not good. I'm never going to be with her, so let's just drop it."

"Dude, you've loved her since the first grade, we can't just 'drop it'." Jazz said.

"Yes, we can. Look, I'm going to date someone. Find me a girlfriend Jazz," I told him.

"I'm not finding you a girlfriend when I know you're just trying to distract yourself with her," Jasper snorted, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Help me out here, man. I need to get over her, and you're going to help me do that. She wants to date people—then so do I!" I said, resolving myself to give up on Bella.

"So, you want me to set you up with some other girl, so that you can forget about Bella?" He asked slowly, measuring each word.

"Yeah," I said, rocking back on my heels.

"Alright, but you asked for it, man," Jasper said.

I nodded, swallowing hard. I can do this. I had to do this.

* * *

**Bella's and James' outfits are on my profile. Go check 'em out.**

**Review and tell me what you think!**


	7. Part of the Picture

**Chapter 6: Part of the Picture**

"_Tried to take a picture of love,  
__Didn't think I'd miss her that much,  
__I want to fill this new frame,  
__But it's empty."  
__-"Empty" by The Click Five _

Alice found me two days later sitting on my couch in my pajamas eating mint chocolate-chip ice-cream out of the carton and watching The Breakfast Club. I was have an eighties throw-back, pity party and she most certainly wasn't invited.

"Edward, are you gay?" She asked, tapping one stiletto against my hardwood floor. "Because if you are it's totally ok, but it would put a damper on your date tonight."

"My what?" I asked, staring at her out from under my mussed hair.

"Your date," she said annunciating each word as if I was slow.

"What date?" I asked, bemused.

She rolled her eyes and snatched my pint of ice-cream out of my hands. "You told Jasper that you wanted to date—and Jasper doesn't know many eligible bachelorettes, so the duty fell to me. So you have a date tonight," she said, taking a bite of my ice-cream.

"Who is my date with?" I asked, curious but hesitant.

"Her name's Victoria, she's an intern at the Seattle Art Museum," Alice said. "I figured she was artsy, so she'd be your type."

I shrugged and tried to steal my ice-cream back from her. It really didn't matter if the girl was my type or not. She was just a distraction anyway.

Alice leaned over the back of the couch and stared at me. Her eyes narrowed. "What the hell is on your shirt, and when was the last time you had a haircut?"

I looked down at my shirt and shrugged, "It's from a YouTube video."

"You're such a loser, Edward."

"Thanks, Alice. I love you, too," I told her making a kissy face at her. She pinched my cheek, hard.

"So you need to get up, shower and get dressed. And then I'll give you a hair cut," she said, taking another bite of my ice-cream again and turning my movie off.

I sighed reluctantly and shuffled my way to my bathroom. I'd learned long ago never to argue with Alice. She had the uncanny ability to coerce one into doing whatever she wanted them to do.

So within the next twenty minutes I was showered and dressed back in my pajamas, sitting on a stool in the middle of my kitchen, a towel draped over my shoulders with Alice hacking away at my hair.

She chatted idly while she chopped, filling me in on some of the more intimate parts of her and Jasper's life together. I sat and listened because—despite the fact that I had absolutely no desire to hear about my best friend behind closed doors—Alice wanted to tell me and this was her way of including reclusive Edward in their lives.

After she had gone on a long winded rant about why men have issues with putting the toilet seat down, she quieted a little and I saw that as my opportunity to pump her for information.

"So, Bella really seemed to like that James guy," I said nonchalantly.

Alice shrugged, combing my bags over my eyes, "She talked to him on the phone for about a week before they met at your exhibit. She didn't know he was a bigwig art critic. She said she wouldn't have brought him had she known."

"Why wouldn't she have brought him?" I asked slightly offended. Was my work that bad?

"Don't get your panties in a twist," Alice scolded, "she didn't want him to be overly critical of your work because she thought he would be jealous of you."

"Jealous of me?!" I demanded incredulously. Why the hell would anyone be jealous of me?

"Yeah," Alice said, shrugging her shoulders delicately. "You're her best friend; any normal guy would see that as competition."

I was competition? Well, that could be used to my advantage. Keep talking, Alice. Keep talking.

"So she when she found out he was a famous art critic she was worried that you two would butt heads and try to one up each other or start a pissing contest or something." She said, stalking around me to examine my hair from every angle.

I shrugged, she was probably right. "So is she still dating him?"

"Oh heck no," Alice scoffed, combing my hair down in the back in attempt to get it to behave.

"What?" I demanded, jerking away from her, making it so that she almost cut my ear off.

"Geez, Edward, calm down! She kicked his sorry ass to the curb when he started to make snide comments about your pictures." Alice said, going back in to cut the hair around my ears.

I smiled inwardly.

"But if you want my opinion on this, I think you should go out with Bella. I mean you're practically perfect for each other," she said nonchalantly. I jerked away again.

How in the world did Alice know that? I mean, she always had a way of knowing things without anyone having to tell her; and I always suspected that she knew that I was secretly in love with Bella.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well it's obvious that you mean a lot to each other. I always thought Bella was blind to not want to be with you," she mumbled more to herself than to me. "If I didn't have Jasper I would've had a major crush on you."

I laughed, "Does Jasper know that."

"Of course he does," she said. "I tell him everything. And besides we talk about you and Bella often enough—so it just came up. We both think that the two of you need to open your eyes and get together."

"I can assure you," I said almost sadly, "Bella and I don't think of each other that way." It was only a half lie. Bella didn't think of me that way—despite the fact that's how I thought of her. But Alice didn't need to know that.

"Well you should," she said vehemently.

I sighed, we should. But we didn't. Such is life.

Alice brushed the hair off my shoulders and then shooed me away to go look at my haircut in the mirror while she swept the floor.

I examined my hair quickly, not really caring what it looked like because quite frankly however it was cut it was bound to curl and stick up at odd angles and make me look like I had sex hair or bed head no matter what.

I plastered a fake smile on my face and went into the kitchen. I kissed Alice on the cheek, "Thanks Ali, it looks great."

"Of course it does, I didn't go to cosmetology school for nothing," she said, kissing my cheek in return. "So go put on some of those jeans I bought you for last Christmas and a nice shirt. Remember you have a date tonight."

I resisted the urge to groan, but instead went upstairs to change. I had to continually remind myself that I was dating so that I wouldn't die alone, thinking of the 'what if's' about my life. I wanted to be happy—even if Bella wasn't part of the picture.

* * *

**So, Edward wants to try his hand at dating. :) **

**Edward and Alice's outfits are in my profile.**

**Please, please, please review! I really want to know what everyone thinks about this.**


	8. Que Sera, Sera

**Chapter 7: Que Sera Sera**

"_You seem so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex,  
__A stranger with your door key explaining that I am just visiting,  
__And I am finally seeing,  
__Why I was the one worth leaving.  
__Why I was the one worth leaving."  
__-"The District Sleeps Alone Tonight" by The Postal Service_

I grabbed Victoria by the shoulders and pushed her away, but she lunged forward and attacked my mouth again. God, was this proper protocol for a first date?

I stood motionless as she swept her tongue into my mouth and gave a breathy moan. I had to swallow hard to choke down the vomit that rose in my throat. What the hell was up with this woman?

First she was a complete b with an itch at the restaurant and then she practically attacked me in the elevator up to my apartment. And she tasted like marina sauce and cheap champagne. Nasty.

The elevator doors opened with a chime and then Victoria had me pinned against the hallway wall. I briefly considered breaking away from her rather violent kiss and yelling "rape" just to see if anyone would come to my rescue.

"Oh, Edward," she moaned, fiddling with my belt buckle, "let's go inside your apartment."

"Sorry, Victoria, but I'm not a sex-on-the-first-date kind of guy," I said, trying to be nice.

"C'mon, be a rule breaker. You look like a bad boy," she said, pinching my butt. I squeaked and jumped away from her, "With these tats and those piercings, do you have peircings elsewhere?" She said, licking her bottom lip.

"No, Victoria. Not that you'd ever find out. I'm sorry but I don't think this is going to work out," I told her, pulling out of her claws.

She pouted at me, "Don't play hard to get, Eddie."

"I'm not," I told her. "Victoria, I think you should leave."

She glared at me, "You'll regret this, Cullen. You know that you want a piece of this, everyone does."

I doubted I would regret it, but whatever. "I'm sorry, Victoria. I won't be calling you."

Before she could protest or proposition me again I slid my key into the lock and sprinted into my apartment. I locked the deadbolt behind me.

And after the evening I'd had, the last thing I expected to see was Bella sitting on my kitchen counter, eating my now almost-empty pint of mint chocolate chip.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, dropping my keys near the sink and hoisting myself onto the counter next to her.

"I came to apologize about James, he was a jerk," she said quietly.

"It's ok, Bells," I said tipping her chin up with my hand. Her brown eyes were wet like she'd been crying. "What's the matter?"

"He won't leave me alone. He keeps calling me and leaving me nasty messages, Edward. I don't know what to do."

"What exactly has he said?" I asked, trying to stay calm, my earlier problems with Victoria having been forgotten.

"He keeps calling me dirty names and propositioning me," she said quietly. "I tried to tell him to stop but he won't." Hmm…sounded like my date.

"I'll take care of it." I said. Because I would. I would commit murder for Bella. Who cares about life in prison or the possible death penalty if it meant some asshole wasn't harassing her? "Give me your phone."

She handed it over.

She had about a million missed calls from that jerk. And about a million more lewd text messages as well as a few picture messages that were quite disgusting. It gave a whole new meaning to the term 'sexting'.

I almost threw-up.

And so I dialed his number quickly before I could lose my nerve. He answered on the first ring.

"Hello, Bella, I knew you would give in," he purred.

"Actually this is her best friend Edward, and if you call her again I won't hesitate to end you," I said as calmly as I could manage.

James scoffed. "Yeah right."

"Don't doubt me," I said between my teeth.

"You're bluffing. You just want her for yourself," he said snidely. I hated that he'd hit the nail on the head.

"Shut the hell up," I growled. "If I'm not the one to beat you into oblivion, then I'm sure Bella's brother would enjoy having the honors."

James laughed, "I'll charge you with assault and battery."

"Oh yeah," I challenged, "I'm real scared. And I know a really great cop who wouldn't mind helping rough you up if you hurt his daughter."

I hung up and turned to Bella. "If he bothers you again tell me."

She nodded and took another bite of ice-cream. I patted her knee and she caught my hand, rolling my sleeve up to my elbow.

"When did you get this?" She asked, her fingers tracing across the thin webbing of letters across my foreman. "It's new."

"Yeah, I got it a couple of weeks ago." The day after you told me that you signed up for the dating website after Emmett sucked up all of my beer and whined at me about his wife and you.

"What does it mean?" She asked. "_Amor vincit omnia_."

"It means 'love conquers all' in Latin," I breathed, smelling her hair and hoping she wouldn't think my proximity was weird or uncomfortable.

"It's a beautiful tattoo, Edward," she said softly. My mind immediately flashed to my very first tattoo. I'd gotten it the day I turned eighteen. Bella had gone with me to get it and I tried to no avail to get her to get one to match mine.

So I'd ended up getting my spine tattooed on. Bella thought it was bizarre that I had gotten all of the bones of my spine tattooed on my skin, but I had thought it'd looked pretty cool.

It was the first of many tattoos. Bella always teased me because it was sort of like finding Waldo in a "Where's Waldo" book finding a new tattoo amongst all the ink already on my skin.

"So what about you, any new ink?" I asked, lifting the hem of her shirt. I'd teased her endlessly that I thought she should get a tramp stamp. A tramp stamp on her would be pretty hot.

"Are you kidding me?" She said, squirming, "I'd pass out before the even got that inky little needle near my skin."

I laughed, because she totally would.

I put my arm over her shoulders, watching as the letters of my new tat curved to fit behind her neck. Maybe love would conquer all. I had gotten that tattoo with Bella in mind.

Bella was silent for a moment, "I believe what your tattoo says. So I'm going to give this dating site a second chance. Just because they matched me with that jerk James doesn't mean that my perfect guy still isn't online."

I almost rolled my eyes and groaned. But I decided to be the supportive friend instead, "I'm sure you'll find someone."

She groaned and laughed, "Do you really think that? What if I don't find Mr. Right?"

"Well then, you and I will live together you'll be a spinster with a thousand cats and I'll be a crazy old hermit," I said. Because at least I'd be with Bella.

She laughed again, "I'll always have you at least, Edward."

"Yeah," I sighed. "You'll always have me."

She kissed my cheek and hopped off the counter, "I'm going to go watch some TV."

I nodded, "Do you mind if I call Emmett and tell him about James? If he keeps bothering you then the two of us can go find him and rough him up a bit."

She nodded and trotted into the living room. I waited until I could hear the sounds of the TV before I fished my cell phone out of my pocket and found Emmett's name on my contact list.

He answered after a couple of rings, "What do you want, Edward?"

"Hey, Bella's first match from that website turned out to be a complete jerk and now he's harassing her."

"What?!" Emmett growled loudly.

"I already called him and told him to knock it off but if it doesn't stop I figured you and I could go find him and put him in his place," I said.

Emmett was quiet for a moment, "At least this is sort of a good thing." He said after a while, "I mean. She's not with that jerk anymore so you can move in."

"No, Emmett. She's still planning on finding somebody on this website."

"Are you serious?" He demanded, "She goes out with a creep and so she still thinks she'll be able to find someone good on the Internet? She always was really oblivious. Ok. Here's the deal, Edward. We're going on her next date with her."

"Wait, what?" I demanded. "Em, I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Of course it is," he defended, "we'll be like spies on a secret mission. Bella's completely oblivious to everything! She won't notice us!"

"This has 'bad idea' written all over it," I told him, preparing to hang up.

"You know you want to go out with her to make sure she's happy," he cooed to me.

I struggled with myself for a moment, "Of course I want to make sure she's happy—but isn't that sort of an invasion of her privacy?"

"Psh," he scoffed, "she's my baby sister I'm supposed to annoy the crap out of her. It's in my job description."

I sighed, "What if she gets mad at us and hates us forever? That would kind of put a damper on our relationship."

"What she doesn't know won't hurt her," he said mischievously.

I groaned and gave in, because somewhere, deep down, I wanted to tag along on Bella's date and make sure that the guy was treating her right or to be able to come to her rescue if he wasn't.

"Ok, I'll call you and we can make more concrete plans," he said.

"Fine, Emmett. Bye," I said, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger.

"See ya, Eddie."

Oh God. I had a bad feeling about this.

* * *

**  
I'm posting this a day early in honor of NEW MOON!! My sister and I went to go see it after school. And it was AWESOME. All I'm saying is that Taylor Lautner makes me want to be Team Jacob. Good golly, Miss Molly, is that young man a fine specimen! I don't particularly like Robert Pattison [DON'T HATE ME] I just don't think he's handsome. [I SAY AGAIN, DON'T HATE ME, I'm entitled to my opinion.] However Mr. Lautner is certainly easy on the eyes. ;)**

About this chapter: Edward has the tattoo I want. I want to tattoo amor vincit omnia somewhere on my body. And my version of Edward has tattoos, so deal with it.

Please review. I'm not getting much feedback on this story, and I don't want to be an attention whore, but I would like to know what people are thinking.


	9. Kleenex Please

**Chapter 8: Kleenex Please?**

"_Don't let go,  
__I've wanted this far too long,  
__Mistakes become regrets.  
__I've learned to love abuse.  
__Please show me what I'm looking for.  
__Save me, I'm lost."  
__-"Show Me What I'm Looking For" by Carolina Liar_

I don't know how I found myself in such horrid situations but I did. So, exactly a week after Bella had resolved to continue on her path of finding a mate via the Internet, I was sitting on my couch, flanked by Jasper and Emmett, discussing our plan for battle.

Rather, they were discussing our plan for battle, and I was debating ordering a pizza because I was going to chicken out any second.

Alice—our inside informant—was helping Bella get ready at her apartment. She was sending us constants texts with updates on Bella's appearance.

Jasper finally had to reply that we didn't need to know that Bella now had on a strapless bra and mascara. Though, the boys did think my reactions to those texts were rather funny. I remained not amused.

Jasper flipped his phone open quickly as it vibrated from its spot on my coffee table.

"Oh, her date just arrived," he said. "Alice is sending me a picture of him." We waited a couple of moments before we received the picture message.

Her date looked normal, at least. He had short dark hair and sharp eyes. Alice had informed us that he was a chef in a French restaurant. That was a reputable job. She also said his name was Laurent, which sounded like a pansy name, if you asked me.

Jasper phone buzzed again, "Ok, they're going to the movie theater out on Third Avenue and they're seeing 'The Time Traveler's Wife', whatever the heck that is. I haven't even heard of that movie."

"Oh I have," Emmett said, "Rosie read the book. She wants to go see that movie, she'll be mad. Maybe I should call her and tell her to come, too."

I grabbed the cell phone out of his hand and threw it onto my unoccupied recliner in the corner. "Don't you dare call anyone else! Rosalie would definitely make it known that we are spying on Bella."

"Are you saying that my Rosie can't be sneaky?" Emmett demanded, crossing his arms over his chest—his muscles rippling and doubling the scariness factor. "You know, I tolerate you being in love with my little sister and here I am, helping you out with your love issues and you're insulting my wife."

"I'm not insulting your wife," I said, affronted, "I'm just saying that she'd undoubtedly make herself known."

"Rose can be sly," he growled.

"Could," I corrected, "could be sly. Who knows, she's weird and pregnant now she may want Snow Caps in the middle of the movie and Bella will see her!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in the air.

Emmett opened his mouth to argue, but Jasper pushed us both back saying, "Listen you two, Rose can't come because we have to hurry up and get ourselves over to the theater before Bella so she doesn't see us walk in."

Emmett nodded grudgingly.

We all stood and Emmett assessed out 'spy gear' one more time. He had a pair of binoculars—why, I have no idea—tucked into one of the pockets on his black cargo shorts. He'd insisted we all wear black, because three grown men decked out like undertakers sitting in the back of a movie theater isn't suspicious at all.

Especially if one of them has binoculars.

We made it in time to the movie theater in time to beat Bella and her date. We argued the entire way, but we still made it. Emmett was pissed off with me because apparently I'd insulted his wife and unborn child. He was a big boy; he would just have to get over it.

We all ran up the carpeted steps to the back row of the movie theater. Jasper slumped down in his seat and Emmett shoved a ball cap into my hands. "Your hair is the most noticeable," he grumbled.

I pushed it over my head and bent the brim with my palm. "Better?"

Jasper and Emmett studied me, "Yeah, at least she won't recognize you by your hair."

I sighed and chanted under my breath, "This is a bad idea. This is a bad idea."

"Shut up, it's going to be a bad idea of she hears you and finds out we followed her here," Jasper said, elbowing me in the ribs.

"Technically, we were here first so she followed us here," Emmett pointed out, reclining back in his chair and propping his feet up on the seat in front of him.

"Emmett," I growled, "Shut the hell up."

Emmett reached into his giant tub of popcorn and threw a handful at me, growling at me.

"You both shut the hell up, they just walked in," Jasper hissed, sinking back into his chair so Bella wouldn't see him. I adjusted my cap and made sure Emmett wasn't going to give us away because he wasn't even trying to hide himself.

Bella looked resplendent. Her shirt was sleeves so her shoulders were bare and her hair feel in waves over her bare arms. She was stunning. And she was holding hands with Mr. French Chef.

I took a deep breath and told myself, "As long as she's happy."

I heard Jasper sigh beside me but I didn't look at him, because I didn't want to hear his speech about how Bella could be happier if she was with me.

The movie commercials started to roll, declaring to the occupants of the theater to silence our cell phones and to be respectful of the other people in the theater.

I'm pretty sure spying on a couple near the front was not respectful to the other people in the theater at all. But Emmett still had his binoculars out and was watching his sister and Mr. French Chef like a hawk.

"Oh, he put his arm around her," he hissed to us. But of course I'd seen.

He'd done the lame 'fake yawn and stretch' to get his arm slung across her shoulders. That was the oldest, cheesiest trick in the book.

I stared at them, half paying attention to the movie and the plot. Two people in love—kept apart by unseen forces. I knew how the guy felt; he couldn't truly be with the woman he loved.

"Do you understand this movie?" Jasper whispered to me about an hour into the film.

"I'm not really paying attention to it," I muttered back. "So no, I don't understand it."

"He's got a genetic condition that transports him through time when he's stressed or something. It's like being epileptic but instead of having a seizure he time travels," Emmett said, leaning across Jasper to whisper to both of us.

"And how the hell do you know that?" Jasper demanded.

"Rosie told me about it," he said with a shrug.

Jasper made a noise like a whip snapping and then chuckled. Emmett ruffled his hair and growled. "I'm not whipped."

"Yes you are," Jasper and I both responded.

Someone in the row in front of us shushed us.

We quieted down lest Bella hear us and we feel her wrath.

I didn't want her to be angry with us for spying on her—but if she did find out we were there I would blame it on Emmett. Or Jasper.

"Holy crap," Jasper said with a laugh, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"What?" I demanded in a whisper.

"Is he crying?" Jasper said with a laugh.

"What?" I hissed, stealing the binoculars from Emmett and adjusting them so that I could see Mr. French Chef's face.

"Oh my God, he is crying," I said with a laugh. "He's actually sobbing."

Jasper stole the binoculars from me and watched him for a little bit, finally Bella turned to him and offered him a tissue.

"Oh, this is priceless," Emmett said, snapping pictures with his cell phone and texting Rosalie.

"I should send a picture to Alice," Jasper said, biting his lip as he tried to get a good picture.

I rolled my eyes, "Shouldn't we be worrying about Bella?"

"No, she can handle herself," Emmett said, tapping away on his phone. "Besides, this is freaking hilarious!"

I sighed and resisted the urge to go down there and rescue Bella. She looked completely at a loss, trying to comfort her date. He leaned his head against her shoulder and blotted his eyes with a tissue.

"I can't believe he's a crier," Jasper said, wheezing as he held back guffaws, "This movie isn't even that sad."

"It kind of is," Emmett said, leaning over Jasper again, "I mean. The guy dies at the end, so that's sad."

"He dies at end?" I demanded. "Well that sucks."

"Maybe that's why her date is crying," he said sarcastically, pushing the brim of the ball cap over my eyes. I slapped his hand away and readjusted my hat.

What a ridiculous way to end a movie. They can never be truly together and then he dies in the end? Well that was just great.

"Did he just blow his nose in the collar of his shirt?" Jasper demanded grabbing the binoculars again.

"Probably," I sighed, closing my eyes and rubbing my fingers over them. I was starting to get a headache from squinting at Bella and her date all evening. The guy seemed to be quieting down and as the credits started to roll his cheeks were nearly dry.

As they left the theater Jasper stood up and stretched his back, "Well that was a disaster. She better dump him."

"I'm sure she will," Emmett said with a laugh getting up and pulling his keys out of his pocket. "Let's head home, boys."

We nodded in agreement and trotted down the steps discarding our empty food containers in the trashcan held by a dirty-looking teenager. He made me think of Mike Newton, Bella's first boyfriend. Made me want to punch the poor kid.

We all piled into Emmett's Jeep and then we were speeding back to my apartment.

The guys wanted to stay and three-way call Alice and Rose to discuss Bella's date but I told them some BS that I was tired and they had to leave. It was a total lie. I was tired, yes. But more tired of watching Bella go on awful dates than physically tired.

It wasn't that I wanted this whole website dating thing to fail. I wanted her to succeed in finding the right guy for her.

I sighed and stripped off my clothes, throwing on a pair of athletic shorts and sliding into my bed. It wasn't even eleven and I felt pathetic for going to sleep so early.

Some time later I heard my front door open and then my bedroom door was open so that a crack of light shone in and cast shadows across my walls. I felt the bed shift slightly and then I smelled a familiar sweet scent.

She crept under the covers and slid close to me. She cried for a bit while I held her tightly.

"Why can't I find a good guy, Edward?" My sweet Bella asked. "The guy tonight was awful. He cried during the movie! He cried!"

"It's ok, sweetheart." I said, kissing her forehead and letting her cry some more.

"It's not fair," she moaned. "Alice has Jasper and even my brother has Rosalie! Why can't I find somebody like that for me?" She demanded, punching my chest lightly to vent her frustrations.

"I don't know why you can't find somebody like that for you," I told her. "But I'll always be here for you."

"I know," she mumbled, burrowing her head underneath my chin. I could feel her nose on my collar bone. And her hair smelled like strawberries. Always had smelled like strawberries.

She sighed then and I knew she'd fallen asleep. I stayed up, like I always did when she slept over to listen to her talk.

She said some weird things, mostly about tissues and crying. And then, "You know I love you, Edward. Don't you?"

"Yeah, Bells. I love you, too." I said and then snorted humorlessly, "I guess you just don't love me enough, eh?"

"Love Edward," she said and then kicked until she rolled over and her back was facing me. I noticed that she was wearing my crumpled 'Charlie the Unicorn' T-shirt and it made me smile slightly.

I scratched her back lightly and she sighed again. I knew the talking was probably over for the evening so I got up and turned the hall light off, closed my bedroom door and slid back into the bed.

I pulled Bella into my arms and pretended that she was really my girl and that she didn't just love me platonically. That we were together and we really did share this bed.

I fell asleep smelling her sweet hair and then dreamed dreams of white weddings and clumsy, bronze-haired, brown-eyed children.

Because that's all I could do.

Dream.

* * *

**I loved writing this chapter. Probably my favourite thus far. This chapter has foundations in reality. Seriously. On the very first date I ever went on, my then-boyfriend took me to go see Marley and Me. I teared up a little at the end but was able to pull it in. He, however, was not. He didn't sob or anything but he did have tears in his eyes. However, when I went to go see The Time Traveler's Wife I sobbed like a baby. :P **

**Outfits on my profile. **

**Please leave a review. And Happy Thanksgiving!**


	10. The Morning After

**Chapter 9: The Morning After**

"_Spend all your time waiting for that second chance,  
__For a break that would make it okay,  
__There's always one reason to feel not good enough,  
__And it's hard at the end of the day,  
__I need some distraction, oh beautiful release,  
__Memory seeps from my veins,  
__Let me be empty and weightless and maybe,  
__I'll find some peace tonight."  
__-"Angel" by Sarah McLachlan_

I awoke to the fresh aroma of coffee brewing. The sheets next to me were cold but still smelled of Bella. I grinned and buried my face into the pillow. Strawberries.

I felt the bed shift and then start to shake. "Up and at 'em, Edward," my personal angel sang.

"Five more minutes," I mumbled, trying not to smile.

She quickly tickled my side, "I made pancakes."

"Chocolate-chip?" I asked rolling onto my back and staring at her.

"Of course," she replied kissing my forehead and ripping the sheets away so I would have more incentive to get up. My chest was bare and cold and I thought I caught her staring at one of my tattoos longer than normal. I looked down at it.

'Vita Bella' was tattooed in the loose pattern of a heart just above the organ. I'd done that one also with Bella in mind. Just so that she would always be close to my heart.

I slid out of the bed and trotted into the kitchen where Bella was already dishing out chocolate-chip pancakes. She looked up at my and smiled slightly, "Your hair looks awful."

"You're one to talk," I said, indicating to her mused curls. Not that it looked awful, rather sexy. But I wasn't going to tell her that.

"I didn't shower after my date last night and Alice put copious amounts of hair spray in it," she said, running her fingers through her thick, brown locks.

I smiled at her and kissed her cheek, "Thanks for breakfast, Bella. It smells delicious!"

She grinned back and handed me a bottle of syrup and a fork. I sat down at the table opposite her and poured the syrup over my stack of pancakes. Bella ate daintily while I took large bites and practically shoveled it into my mouth. "Chew Edward," Bella admonished as she took a sip of her milk.

I smiled at her and slowed down enough to enjoy the breakfast she had cooked for me.

"So what do you want to do today?" I asked, pushing a chunk of pancake around my plate and smothering it in syrup.

"I don't know," she said quietly.

"Are you still upset about last night," I asked, gauging her reaction as I took more slow bites.

She nodded, "God, Edward, you have no idea. I mean I cried during the movie—but that man sobbed. It was ridiculous! What the hell is wrong with guys these days?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, Bella." You should have realized that guys are scumbags long ago. You should also realize that I'm madly in love with you. Yeah, Bella. You're clueless.

"Let's just go do something that will make me forget about all of this," she said, waving her hands through the hair and almost knocking her glass of milk over.

Oh Bella, I could make you forget your name, I wanted to purr at her; but I settled for, "We could go take some pictures. I've been meaning to head to the meadow for a while now."

She smiled, "A trip to the meadow sounds nice."

I smiled back and got up to put my plate in the sink. "Ok, sweetheart, if you want you can head home and get ready and I'll pick you up in about two hours?"

"Can't I just stay here?" She asked, fidgeting with the oversized shirt she wore—my shirt—and staring at me with those pleading dark eyes. "I've missed you."

I melted right then and there, "Sure. I think I've probably got some of your clothes around here somewhere"—not that I keep them in my closet and smell them when we're apart, because that'd be creepy—"you can shower first, I'll clean up the dishes."

She nodded and scurried towards my bathroom. I tossed our plates into the sink and let the water run as I searched through my cabinets for dish soap. I could hear the shower start running and then the unmistakable sound of Bella singing in the shower.

She was loud and off-key but endearing. God, I loved that woman. If I loved her anymore it felt like I would explode.

I smiled and rushed through the dishes, trying not to think about Bella naked and wet just down the hall.

Suddenly she appeared at the doorway to the kitchen, wrapped in my robe. I stifled a groan. It fell all the way to the tops of her feet and she had to push the sleeves up so that her hands were exposed.

"I need clothes, Edward," she said with a grin, her dark hair hanging in limp waves around her face. Several tendrils were plastered to her forehead and I had to resist the urge to push them behind her ears.

I smiled tightly at her and maneuvered past her into my bedroom. I threw open my bottom drawer and tossed her a pair of jeans. She smiled at me, "Don't suppose I could just wear one of your shirts?"

I sighed as she snagged a white button down from one of the hangers in my closet and sped off to the bathroom before I could protest. Damn woman was going to be the death of me.

Yeah sure, Bella. Just wear one of my shirts and look sexy. You're making it real easy on me here.

I sighed and pulled on a clean pair of jeans and a sweater. Bella sauntered back into the room, rolling the sleeves of my shirt up past her elbows. God, she looked delicious in my shirt.

I distracted myself by gathering my camera equipment.

"Can I help?" Bells asked.

"Yeah, grab that lens over there," I said, indicating to one that I'd left on my dresser. She picked it up reverently, carefully and slid it into its proper space in my carrying case.

"So what kind of pictures do you want to take?" She asked conversationally.

Pictures of you in that insanely hot shirt that you should probably button up to the collar before I have a heart attack from staring at your cleavage. I wanted to reply, but my mouth moved and I said, "The trees in the meadow."

"You always photograph trees, though," she said.

"Yeah, so why change a good thing?" I asked—despite the double meaning of the words. 'Why in the world change a good thing—i.e. this relationship—because I feel the need for something different?'

She shrugged, "You should take pictures of something different—hire models or something. Alice could help you style fashion shots."

I lifted one shoulder noncommittally, "I don't want to work with models."

"What's so bad about models?" She asked.

"Nothing, it's just that I'd like to work with people whose IQ's I can't confuse with their shoe sizes," I said as I zipped up my bag.

Bella slapped me in the shoulder, "Edward, that's such a stereotype. Not all models are stupid."

I grinned at her, "Would you model for me?"

"Sure," she said with gusto, "just make sure Alice doesn't put me in something skimpy."

Damn it! That would be the entire reason to photograph you, Bella. You're ruining all of the fun. "I'll see what I can do," I said and then couldn't resist adding, "No guarantees."

She kicked my butt and then screeched, scandalized, "Edward!"

"Bella!" I shot back grinning.

She wrinkled her nose at me and then stuck out her tongue. I reciprocated by sticking out my own tongue and making a face at her. She was the first to break and smile.

"I don't suppose you have any of my shoes here, do you?" She said, staring at her bare feet and wiggling her toes. I had to resist the urge to capture her foot and press tender kisses to it—because that would definitely be crossing the line in our friendship.

"Yeah, I think a pair of your Cons are in the front closet," I said, snagging a pair of my tennis shoes from under my bed and pointing in the direction of the closet.

"Ok," she said, disappearing around the doorway. I heard her rummaging around and then finally a muffled 'a-ha' when she found what she was looking for.

I took a deep breath and blew it out.

Thirty minutes—and one drive-thru stop at McDonalds—later we were on the road towards Forks.

I could have probably driven that road blind-folded. I knew it by heart because I had driven there so much, mainly with Bella as my co-pilot. She was always next to me whenever I drove to Forks.

And I knew that was going to change pretty soon. Soon enough she would have another guy who would drive her home to go see Charlie. She would be messing with someone else's car radio and picking the crappy radio stations and spilling drinks on their leather upholstery.

Maybe this would be the last time I traveled to our meadow with her.

I had to make it count.

Because if I didn't all I would have left were memories.

* * *

**Bella is so oblivious. [sighs] I know a lot of people keep saying that Bella is blind and needs to realize that Edward loves her. But that's pretty much the plot of the story, people. Yeah there's more meat, but you guys have to be patient, I'm setting the scene for it.**

**Please leave a review and tell me what you think.**


	11. Weeds and Broken Threads

**Chapter 10: Weeds and Broken Threads**

"_Have you ever heard a word?  
__Rather be lonely in love than alive with you and dead.  
__Have you ever heard a word?  
__Hear me out this time (Hear me out this time).  
__Where does one start  
__To pick up pieces  
__Of a gasoline heart?  
__When all he has is driving away."  
__-"There Is No Mathematics to Love and Loss" by Anberlin_

_November 23, 2002_

"Edward, pull over and face it; the engine overheated."

"It did nothing of the sort," I said, staring through the steam that was pouring out from the hood of my car as we continued down the highway. Billows of gray clouded over my windshield, hindering my vision.

"Edward, pull over!! The car's going to blow up or something," she said, punching my thigh.

"Fine," I said pulling off to the side of the road. I sighed as Bella fished around in her purse for her phone so that she could call our parents and tell them that we would be late.

I popped the hood and held my breath as I fanned my hand in front of my face to diffuse the steam.

"I think your car just died," Bella said, almost smugly. She crossed her arms tightly and I tried not to look at her chest.

"Don't say that, woman!" I said, jabbing my finger at her, "Call Rosalie, she'll be able to fix it."

Bella sighed but dialed the phone nonetheless. I listened to her as she described our predicament to Rose. She bit her lip and stared at the trees, "I don't know where we are; we're out in the middle of nowhere."

"We're about an hour outside of Forks," I told her; so that there would at least be a little hope that Rosalie would find us. Bella tended to be directionally challenged. "We just passed mile marker 17."

Bella relayed the information and hung up. "She says she'll be here in about two hours."

"Ok," I said, sliding back into the driver's seat, leaning it back and trying to fall asleep. I had a pounding headache and I was upset about my car and I wanted Bella to give me a head-rub or something, but I doubted she would do that.

"Edward," I heard her whisper.

"What?" I mumbled.

"I'm hungry.

"There's a granola bar in the glove compartment," I told her, pushing a pair of Ray Band sunglasses over my nose and settling into my seat.

"Edward, this thing is disgusting, how long has it been in here?"

I rubbed my fingers over my temples and then snapped, "I don't know. Go scavenge through the woods if you want something better."

She harrumphed and then I heard her door open and slam closed. Great. I'd pissed her off. Just what I needed, especially since I'd been having such a nice fantasy about us making out in the backseat until Rosalie found us.

I rubbed my eyes and got out of the car, watching as she stomped into the forest.

"You're going to get lost," I called after her. Damn, infuriating, beautiful woman.

She turned and flipped me off.

"I'm not going to come find you," I called after her.

"Good, I don't need a knight in shining armor," she called back.

I glared at her disappearing back, "Fine! Go off and get raped by some woodsman or something—or be eaten by a bear!"

She gave no indication of hearing me; she just disappeared further into the woods. I growled and ran my fingers through my hair; I turned and kicked one of my tires in frustration.

"Bella!" I yelled after her, but she didn't answer.

Jesus, I was getting scared that she really had been kidnapped and molested by some random forest-dwelling maniac or eaten by a wild animal. What would I do without her? God I would die without her!

"C'mon Bell, answer me!"

Still silence.

I growled, grabbed my keys and my phone, and tromped into the woods after the stupid woman that I loved. I grumbled under my breath, "Damn woman. Gonna get kidnapped and eaten."

I was paying more attention to my feet and not running into trees that I didn't even notice that Bella was standing frozen directly in front of me.

I bumped into her and grabbed her around the waist, "What the hell, Bella? What's wrong?"

"Look at this," she breathed, grabbing my wrists so that my arms remained encircled around her.

I rested my chin on her shoulder and stared at the meadow that lie before us.

It was nearly perfectly circular, tall pines with narrow trunks encroached around the tall spidery grass. It looked like a scene from Lord of the Rings.

"It's beautiful," she breathed, leaning her head back against my shoulder.

I wanted to say something corny like, 'Yes, you are.' But I just nodded mutely, letting my agreement remain silent. I could feel her pulse thudding against my chin. I could just tip my head to the side and taste her neck, kiss her. But I remained platonic.

"And to think, we would've driven by this without knowing something so beautiful was here unless your car had broken down."

I was suddenly thankful for the steaming Volvo parked a couple hundred yards away.

I pulled Bella into the middle of the meadow, we were knee-deep in grass and wildflowers—it looked like something from a fairy tale. There were deep golden flowers and ones the colour of rubies.

Bella sighed and then plopped down into the grass. I could barely see her, the underbrush was so thick. She plucked handfuls of weeds and started to make daisy chains.

"You're going to get all dirty," I told her.

She threw a handful of crab grass at me, "Don't be a party-pooper, Edward."

I smiled down at her. She reached up and threaded her fingers through my belt loops and pulled me down to the ground next to her.

She grabbed a tall flower and broke the stem, tucking the bud behind my ear.

I laughed as she put a daisy chain around my neck. I started braiding long pieces of grass together.

I grabbed her hand and tied the braid around her wrist, just under the macramé friendship bracelet I'd given her when we were in second grade.

"Don't you ever take this ratty thing off?" I asked, running a finger over the fraying fibers.

"Hell no!" She said, pulling her hand away, "I wouldn't ever dream of taking it off!"

"Why not, it's probably harboring diseases or something, it's so old," I said.

"I love it; I'm never going to take it off." She declared, lying back so that her face was hidden in the grass and flowers.

And as sad as it was, not even a month later the fibers of the bracelet had worn down and had broken off her wrist.

We were sitting outside her dorm, eating popcorn and drinking beer that Emmett had bought for us because we were still underage.

Tyler Crowley walked up to us and asked Bella to come to some stupid frat party with him. She agreed and reached for his hand. The movement, though slight, pulled enough at the threads that the bracelet snapped.

Bella didn't even notice.

I keep the bracelet tucked behind my driver's license in my wallet, because it's just as much my identity as my license is. She is my identity.

* * *

**PLEASE READ THIS: I will not be updating this Saturday. Get over it. I'm retaking the SAT so I can try to up my score by at least 110 points. Please keep me in your prayers, thoughts, ect. If I can raise my score this much I'll be eligible for a full scholarship, so that will be extremely awesome. SO NO UPDATE, but maybe I'll take pity and update on Sunday.**

**Also, I'm extremely stupid and forgot to put the link to last chapter's outfits on my profile. Forgive me. They're up now.**

**REVIEW!**


	12. Said in Sleep

**Chapter 11: Said in Sleep**

_"While you were sleeping, I figured out everything,  
__I was constructed for you and you were molded for me,  
__And now I feel your name, coursing through my veins,  
__You shine so bright it's insane. You put the sun to shame.  
__If you need anything, just say the word I mean anything,  
__Rest assured if you start to doze, I'll tuck you in,  
__Plant my lips where your necklace is closed."  
__-"Lullaby" by The Spill Canvas_

"Do you remember how we found the meadow?" I asked, as I pulled off the highway just west of mile maker 17.

"Of course I do," Bella said with a laugh, "you told me to go scavenge for food."

"I was so angry about my old car that I didn't think that I'd upset you," I chuckled, taking her hand across the center console of my Volvo and rubbing my thumb against her wrist. Where her bracelet should have been.

"You know, you never did apologize," she pointed out.

"I didn't think I needed to," I challenged, "good came of it. We found our spot."

"That we did," she agreed softly, fiddling with the hem of her—my—shirt.

She was silent as we climbed out of the car and grabbed our stuff. I took her hand once I'd slung my camera bag over my shoulder.

I'd found over the years of going to the meadow with her that she had the tendency to always fall and hurt herself on the trek through the woods. Whether she got splinters or poison oak, it was always best to just help her so we didn't need to drive to visit Carlisle afterwards.

After we'd walked a while I started to look for the marker trees. Once we'd gone through a couple of times we found we always lost our way so I had brought red spray paint with us once and had painted the trees close to our meadow. I had sort of felt like I was in that weird fairy movie, Fern Gully, and I sincerely hoped that I would not be shrunk and attacked by a random smog monster anytime soon.

I shook my head and pulled Bella along, making sure she didn't stumble as I saw the red-marked trees ahead.

"It's been so long since we've last been here," Bella said softly.

"Yeah," I said softly. Bella didn't know that I went to our meadow at least once a month. I would go out there, take pictures, pray, whatever. Fantasize about her.

The last time we had gone together was about a month before she started this whole Internet dating fad.

A soft, cool breeze blew and ruffled Bella's hair. It was so long when she left it loose that it blew into a curtain all around us. I shivered from the scent and bent closer so that I could bury my nose in her tresses. I kissed the top of her head.

"Edward, do you ever get lonely?" She asked.

"Sometimes," I admitted, "late at night I sit up and I am. But I have you and my family so I'm never too lonesome."

"Why do you never date?" She asked quietly, keeping her eyes downcast.

Why, Bella? Because no one is you. "I just haven't found the right girl yet," I told her.

"Edward, what if I find somebody? I-I don't want you to be lonely," she said, her voice sounded thick with emotion.

"I'll be fine, Bell," I said, placating her hair. "Don't worry about me. If you're happy then I'll be happy, too."

"I want you to find somebody, Edward," she said.

"I don't know," I told her. "I'm thinking of becoming a reclusive artist—spend my days locked in my dark room."

She smiled uneasily, "Please don't lock yourself away, Edward."

"I won't," I lied. Because once she found someone I was fairly sure it would be easy to just slip away unnoticed.

Maybe I'd travel the world and get lost somewhere and never return. Maybe I'd watch her from afar and make sure that she was happy and having a good life. I could be like her guardian angel. I'd rather be her protector than be the reclusive, pathetic friend.

"Pinky swear?" She asked, holding up her hand, pinky finger extended.

I grinned at her and wrapped my finger around hers, "Pinky swear."

Bella smiled at me and kissed my cheek. She pulled away from me and meandered into the meadow, staring at her feet so she wouldn't fall.

My cheek burned where her lips had touched it, and I breathed deeply to calm myself down. I didn't want to ruin my day with Bella because I couldn't keep myself under control.

I followed her slowly, watching my own feet as I went.

She was already hidden by the tall grass when I entered the clearing. I could see the slight sway in the weeds where she was making herself comfortable.

I set my camera bag at the base of one of the pines and removed my camera. I took a couple of shots of the foliage, some close-ups of flowers and then I snuck over to Bella.

Her hair fanned out beneath her like a halo. The sun was peaking through the breaks in the branches and so her hair glowed red and illuminated her face.

I adjusted my camera and took a couple of pictures of her. Her eyes were closed, and she had a serene expression on her face. Her rosy lips were curled up at the corners, and her chest rose and fell beautifully with every breath she took.

She heard the shutter click and her eyes popped open, "Don't take pictures of me!" She protested holding her hands in front of her face.

I chuckled and took another picture as she tried to roll over and hide her face.

"You told me not two hours ago that you would model for me," I chastised.

She sighed and glared at me, "If you get an actual photo-shoot together I will. But I don't do impromptu stuff! I don't even have make-up on."

I rolled my eyes, "Silly Bella, don't you know you're beautiful without make-up?"

"Yeah, but I feel naked without it," she groaned.

Oh God, she did not just say 'naked'. I felt like a teenage boy because of my reaction to that word in conjunction with Bella.

I sighed and let her pull me down into the grass next to her. "So how should I photograph you then?" I asked.

"The theme should be yin and yang," she said, holding up my right arm and fingering the yin and yang symbol I'd had tattooed there years ago.

I chuckled, "Oh and how would I do that?"

"I don't know," she said. "You're the creative genius."

"So, yin and yang, huh?" I said, casting around in my head for ideas.

"Yeah, do something like light and dark, good and evil, love and hate," she said listing off more opposites.

"Oh and what would you be?" I asked. Would she be light or dark, good or evil, love or hate?

"I don't know," she said, "whichever one you want me to be."

"Who would be your opposite?" I challenged. "Rosalie could do it but—"

"But she's starting to get a bit of a belly," Bella finished for me, smiling slightly. She was very excited to be Auntie Bella.

"Exactly," I said, moving away a lock of hair that had fallen across her face. "So that leaves us with a bit of a dilemma."

"Yes, but I'm sure Alice knows a model that is looking to be photographed by a popular photographer," she pointed out.

Alice knew everybody, so I didn't doubt it. "I'll talk to her about it."

"Good," Bella sighed, rested her head on my shoulder and staring up at the canopy of trees above us.

"Why the sudden interest in being photographed?" I inquired curiously.

I felt her shrug, "I just want to spend some more time with you. And if I have to be there while you work then I'll do that."

"You know, Bella, we could just hang out more," I said.

"I know," she said softly, "but I want to do this for you."

I smiled and snuggled closer to Bella, putting my arm around her shoulders and pulling her flush against my side. Our chests were pressed close together and I could feel her heart beating against mine.

"Mmm, Edward," she sighed, "will you hum my song for me?"

I smiled and started humming her lullaby—the first song I'd ever composed. Long before I'd ever wanted to be a photographer I'd wanted to be a musician. Mainly because Bella had once told me that she thought I looked sexy sitting at a piano. Needless to say my aunt and uncle had spent a crap-load of money on lessons after that.

Of course, once I realized Bella really had no interest in me I sort of gave up on piano and picked up a camera—but I still played from time to time.

Mostly Bella's song and Aunt Esme's favourite. But whenever Bella was around she made me play her song for her. She loved it for some bizarre reason.

She's told me once, 'It's because it's something you made for me, Edward. I love it.'

I turned to look at Bella as she nestled further into my arms.

She was sound asleep, her breathing was even and her jaw slack.

Something inside of me snapped.

I leaned forward and pressed my lips against hers. I kissed her cheeks, her eyelids, the lobe of one of her ears, the tip of her nose, all across her jaw line.

And then I finally wound my way back to those luscious lips.

I put one of my hands on the back of her neck and pressed my body against hers so that there wasn't any room between us.

"I love you, Isabella." I whispered.

She stirred in my arms but didn't wake.

Damn her for being a heavy sleeper. But that was the only time I could tell her exactly what was going on inside my head. Definitely not when she was awake.

I could never do that to her.

Or could I?

* * *

**This is a bit of a turning point in this story. There will still be emo chapters, so it's not the end of the emo chapters and it's certain not the end of Edward pining after her...but he becomes a litte bit more proactive in chapters to come. :)**

**Please review!**


	13. Realism At Its Finest

**Chapter 12: Realism At Its Finest**

"_Armed with nothing but a dotted line and big blue eyes.  
__Ominous, so ominous of surprise. Surprise.  
__I'm not who you thought I was.  
__So load that barrel boy, your barrel boy,  
__And put your horse down.  
__She can't bear to run."  
__-"Artist and Repertoire" by Envy on the Coast_

It took me nearly two months after Bella's disastrous date with the Frenchman to gather my courage and take a step forward. Of course this step was small and was probably the catalyst for many bad things to come. But it was a step nonetheless.

And so I found myself sitting across from Alice, bundled against the harsh late-October wind, sipping coffee tentatively while she glared at me. Her lips were pursed so hard that the skin around them was starting to pucker and wrinkle.

"So let me get this straight." She said from between her teeth, "You have loved Bella since the first grade?!"

"Yes, that is what I just said," I told her, nodding and surprised by how easily I admitted it. It shouldn't have been so easy to admit my secret after so long, but I'd always suspected Alice knew—so maybe that's why it was easier.

"So you've kept this a secret for twenty years?!" She demanded, slamming her little fists down on the table. The other Starbucks patrons looked at us askance.

"Shut up, Alice!" I hissed, "Let everyone know, why don't you?!"

"You love Bella! You love Bella! Holy crap, I can't believe you've loved her all these years!" She exclaimed, practically vibrating in her seat. "So how are you going to tell her? Are you going to profess your undying love to her?"

"That's just it, Ali," I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger, "I don't want to tell her."

"What the hell do you mean, 'I don't want to tell her'?" She demanded.

"Because, Alice, she's happy with the way things are now. I don't want to screw up our relationship by professing my love for her—what if she hates me for it, I'd lose my best friend," I said softly.

Alice sighed and patted my hand, "Don't be such a pansy, Edward. Of course she'll love you."

"No, Ali, she wants to do this dating website and find her true love on her own," I sighed.

Alice kicked my shin under the table, "You are so blind, Edward."

"I'm not Alice, I'm realistic," I said, rubbing my leg and trying not to wince.

"So you just let me in on the secret so that I could be frustrated, too?" She seethed. "So now that everybody knows this, but Bella we can just watch her marry some other jerk that she'll inevitably start dating because of this stupid website and then she'll have his babies and die by his side and you'll be where, Edward? Will you always be the faithful friend?"

"If that's what she wants me to be, Alice. Think about it—if Jasper could be happy, with another woman, wouldn't you just want him to be happy?"

"Hell no! I'd want him to be happy with me. I can't even imagine my Jasper banging another chick, let alone being ok with it! Edward, this is wrong! You can't forfeit your wants and desires and you can't leave her out of this decision!"

"What do you mean?"

"What if Bella could love you, too," she said. "What if you told her that you loved her and she had an epiphany, maybe she loves you too!"

"I doubt it, Alice," I sighed. I so badly wanted to tell Bella that I loved her. I wanted to profess my love from the mountaintops and let everybody know, 'this is my woman, I love her, nobody else can have her!' but I knew that was unrealistic. This was real life, and things didn't happen like they did in stories.

"You can't leave her out of this Edward. You can't tiptoe around her and not let her know how you feel. You may be ruining both of your chances at happiness because of this!" She said; her violet eyes scorched into mine. She looked close to tears. "You both could be so happy!"

"Happy," I scoffed. "And what if she rejects me? I'd be miserable and at least she'd have a shot at marital bliss—I think we'd both always be unhappy if we didn't have each other."

"Think of how much more happy you could be if you both got married, made a couple of babies, and died loving each other more than anything in the world," she urged in a soft voice.

I afforded a wistful smile, "If that were the case, Alice. I'd sell my soul just to have it—but she's so happy right now. So happy," I said.

"Oh, Edward," Alice said taking one of my hands in both of her own.

I stared at the tabletop before me, and tasted salt because a few traitor tears had escaped.

"Maybe this guy is just a phase?" Alice asked hopefully.

This guy. I scoffed.

It had only been one week, but Bella was head over heels. For some idiot she'd met online.

All we heard from her over the past week was, 'Oh, he's so amazing', 'Edward, you'll love him I just know it,' and my personal favourite, 'I think he might be the one!'. It was horrible, having to hear all of those great things about some other guy.

"I don't thing he's a phase, Ali," I said quietly.

She stared at our entwined hands, her dark blue eyes clouded, "Edward, what if she marries him?"

"What do you mean 'what if she marries him?', if she marries him, she'll be happy, what else could happen?"

"What if she's unhappy if she marries him," Alice prodded.

"I don't know," I snapped, glaring at Alice. She knew this was a sore subject with me.

"I bet he's a real jerk, she won't bring him to meet any of us," Alice observed, sipping her espresso daintily.

"Maybe he is," I mused. "But I doubt it."

"Be pessimistic why don't you, Edward," Alice retorted, narrowing her eyes at me. Her lips puckered again as she glared.

"I've already told you, Ali, I'm just being realistic." I sighed, staring into my coffee cup.

"Realistic?" She seethed, "No, you're being a coward! Wake up and smell the roses, Edward. If you don't act fast Bella's going to be out of your life forever! Is that what you want?"

"Drop it, Alice," I said uneasily. "Don't push me."

"You're just jealous, and it's unbecoming," Alice said loftily and I knew she was trying to get a rise out of me.

"Can we please talk about something different?" I hated talking about Bella and her new boyfriend. I'd thought that this whole Internet dating debacle was over once she had gone on that awful date to the movies, and for the longest time it had been over. Until this new threat had come into the picture.

"Fine," Alice huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, "what do you want to talk about then?"

"I don't know, let's talk about something completely different," I said, scratching at my eyebrow ring. Alice was starting to give me a headache.

"Let's talk about the shoot," she said, clapping her hands and pulling out her Blackberry.

"Let's not," I groaned. Ever since Bella had spilled the beans about the possibility of a yin and yang photo-shoot to Alice, I constantly had to deal with Alice calling me at all hours of the night to plan the damn thing.

"C'mon Edward, I'll even put Bella in a sexy dress for you, and then you can whisk her away and tell her that you're madly in love with her."

"You sound like Jasper," I sighed, taking a sip of my coffee.

She rolled her eyes and downed the rest of her espresso, "Here's the deal, Edward. I'm putting Bella in a sexy dress, you won't be able to resist her and the new guy will get his ass kicked to the curb."

"Doubt it," I sighed.

Alice harrumphed and stood up abruptly, "All you have to do is show up and snap a couple of pictures and then edit them. You don't even have to talk to her!"

She sounded like she had an ulterior motive, but I let it slide.

"What do you have planned for this?" I asked, resignedly.

"Well, I was thinking Bella could be the dark side. And she could be kind of sexy, maybe black leather?" Alice said, sliding back into her seat.

I felt myself blush and Alice smirked, "No black leather, Alice."

"Fine, be a party-pooper, Edward," she sighed, propping her chin upon her fist. "Anyways I was thinking the other half could be kind of innocent and in white."

I nodded, still trying to get the image of a leather-clad Bella out of my head. Get your mind out of the gutter, Edward.

"So when is this even scheduled for?" I said, trying to distract myself.

"The week before Thanksgiving," Alice said smugly. "And I know the perfect girl for the other half of the shoot. I think you'll like her."

I sighed and rolled my coffee cup between my hands, "What does she look like?"

"She's got pretty reddish, blonde hair—"

"Please tell me she's nothing like Victoria," I cut in, shuddering at the thought of going out with the fiery art intern. She'd practically raped me in the hallway of my apartment building.

"Oh no, this girl's a real sweetheart. She's actually going to Seattle University, I met her at the salon. She came by selling Avon and she's just gorgeous! Really smart, too. I know you have a problem with ditzy models," Alice said with a wink.

I sighed, "So what's this girl's name?"

"Tanya Denali."

* * *

**Sooooo...yeah. No, Tanya is not going to be part of a love-triangle. You'll just have to wait and see how she comes into the story. And no. This is not the end of Edward pining after Bella. It's just the beginning. Hang in there. This is a love story.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!**


	14. Team Edward

**Chapter 13: Team Edward**

"_And all the reasons invading,  
__Twist and turn my aching soul,  
__I leave myself behind in pieces,  
__I know you'll need them when I'm gone,  
__I'm on my own I'm sure I'll know it now,  
__I'm on my own I'm sure I'll feel it now."  
__-"Feel It Now" by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club_

I heard a booming knock on my apartment door, followed by a more timid tap and then the door handle rattling. I had been in my dark room, hunched over several prints being soaked in photographic developer.

The banging on my door continued.

I sighed and wiped my hands on the old apron I wore, I slid out of the room quickly so I wouldn't mess up my prints by prematurely exposing them to light.

I looked through the peephole on my door and sighed as I swung it open, "What's the matter?"

"Has Bella talked to you recently?" Emmett asked, pushing past me into my apartment, dragging Rose behind him. She gave me an apologetic look.

"Not since she called me on Monday to tell her how wonderful her date was," I sighed, trying to not sound disappointed or angry. I mean, seriously, Bella. Just call me and tell me how blissful you are. I really want to hear it.

Emmett led Rose to the couch where he sat her down and the stalked over to me and took me by the shoulders, "Are you ok with this?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, "What do you think?"

He nodded and pursed his lips.

I heard Rosalie sigh from her position on the couch, "Stay on task, Emmett. Just tell him what you came to say."

"Oh yeah, sorry Babe," he said sheepishly casting his wife an awkward look.

"Well, you know how we're all going to Esme and Carlisle's for Thanksgiving?" He asked.

"Yeah," I said, "obviously. They are my aunt and uncle, so of course I know that we're going."

"Do you know who else is going?" He asked, his dark brown eyes shinning slightly as he gauged my reaction.

"No, but I'm pretty sure you're going to tell me." I deadpanned.

"Bells' new boyfriend."

My eyes flew open wide, "She's bringing him back to Forks?!" I seethed.

"Yeah, she wants him to be Padre Swan," Emmett said, rolling his eyes.

"She's taking him to go meet Charlie?" I demanded. "I guess that means things are pretty serious, then."

Emmett nodded, looking displeased. Rosalie scoffed from her place on the couch. "Bella might think he's The One; but I'd be willing to put money on the fact that Charlie disapproves of him."

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"Because, Bella's his little girl. Do you know how much convincing it took to get my dad to agree to let me marry Emmett?" She asked.

"I'm sure it took a lot," I said. Emmett was sort of a notorious prankster and I was pretty sure that Mr. Hale would not be too keen on his daughter marrying the town goofball.

"No matter how smooth lover boy is, I doubt he'll win over Charlie," Rosalie said, leaning her head against the back of the couch to stare at the two of us.

"Yeah, but still she's bringing him to meet Charlie," I sighed, plopping down on the couch next to Rose. "That's a big step in their relationship."

"Well, she hasn't brought him to meet any of us yet," Emmett pouted, taking a position on the recliner across from the sofa.

"Do you plan on ripping his arms off if you don't approve of him?" I asked broodingly.

"Hells to the yes!" Emmett boomed, grinning evilly.

"You will not harm him," Rosalie said, glaring between the two of us, she tossed her long blonde hair over one of her shoulders. "Unless he hurts Bella, then you can't hurt him lest you wish to incur her wrath."

Emmett visibly drooped.

"Now, Edward, I know you don't want her mad at you," she said pointedly, she turned to me with an angelic smile.

"Alice told you, didn't she?"

"No, actually Emmett spilled the beans," she chirped happily, an evil glint to her eye as she smiled creepily at me.

I grabbed the pillow I was resting against and threw it at Emmett's head, "Thanks, man. I thought you promised not to tell her."

"Dude, she's my wife—my loyalty is to her."

"Whatever happened to bros before hoes?" I asked.

He threw the pillow back at me, "What did you just call my wife?"

I grinned and grabbed the projectile.

"Ok, enough boys," Rosalie said, glaring at both of us, "we're not here to argue with each other. We're here to be a united front. We're Team Edward."

"I have a team now?" I asked.

"Yes," Rosalie replied. "We're in the process of ordering T-shirts that say Team Edward on them and a really ugly picture of you underneath."

"You're kidding. Please, Rose, tell me you're kidding."

"I'm kidding," she said, patting my cheek. "But the point is, Edward, we're all routing for you."

"Thanks for the support," I said dryly.

Rosalie punched me in the arm, "Don't be sarcastic with me. We're here to help; now Jazz came up with a great plan—"

"If Jasper came up with it, then it's most certainly not great," I sighed, nervously plucking at my eyebrow ring.

"Sometimes his ideas are good," Emmett said.

"Name one," I challenged.

"Well there was that one time," Emmett trailed, off scratching at his mop of dark curls.

"What one time?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Ok, fine," he sighed, "I can't think of one."

"Exactly," I sighed.

"But his plan sounds really good!" Emmett defended, "Seriously Edward, just give it a chance."

"No." I said vehemently. "I will not be with Bella. I've resigned myself to this, now you all must too. I don't understand why you all are so hell-bent on making me suffer through some failed romance with Bella."

Rosalie looked crestfallen. "Edward, don't be blind," she pleaded, her eyes misting slightly.

I was taken aback; I'd never, ever seen Rosalie Hale-Swan cry.

Ever.

"Hey, Babe, it's ok," Emmett said soothingly, "if he wants to be an idiot let him be. Don't get worked up, ok? It's not good for you right now."

I felt like crap for making my friend cry. Considering the 'delicate condition' she was in. "I'm sorry Rose."

"No you're not," she growled, raking the back of her hand across her eyes, "You're just stupid and blind. I've known you and Bella all my life and I've never seen a couple more perfect. More meant to be."

"That's not true, think about you and Emmett, Alice and Jasper," I challenged, handing her a tissue.

She viciously snatched the tissue away from me, "Yes, we all are perfect for each other. Emmett is my soul mate and the same goes for Alice and Jasper; but, Edward, you and Bella are like two halves of one whole. You'll be incomplete without each other."

"Yeah well, Bella seems pretty damn complete without me," I growled.

"She may think she is," Rosalie said softly, "but she really isn't."

"Have any of you thought to maybe talk to Bella about this, instead of me?" I asked.

"Bella won't listen," Rosalie sighed.

"And neither will I," I fumed. "Can't you all just leave me alone? Let Bella be happy in her own right. Don't keep badgering me about this—maybe I just need to get away, find my own way to be happy."

"What and have a whole bunch of hollow relationships like Bella?" Rosalie shot back. "So you both can be loveless and when you finally realize you do love each other it will be too late."

"Whatever, Rosalie," I said. "You guys can let yourselves out."

I stalked away and retreated to my darkroom. I slammed the door behind me hard enough to rattle the picture frames on the wall.

I could hear Rosalie and Emmett's hushed voices from the living room. Finally I heard my door close and then silence.

I opened the door to my darkroom quietly and looked around my apartment. I went to the front door to lock it and found a note tapped across the peephole.

I opened it and read.

_Edward,_

_We know you're upset about this. But you should really talk to Jasper. Please, you never know—things could work out. But nothing will ever happen unless you give it a chance. We'll always be here for you._

_Love (even when you're being a jerk),_

_-Emmett and Rose (and the baby)_

_

* * *

_

**So, I've had a long last couple of days. And I can't wait to get on Christmas break, because then I'll maybe actually be able to write more of this story. If I don't put it a dent it it I'll have to cut back on updates.**

**Please review. I really would like some feedback.**


	15. Open Your Eyes

**Chapter 14: Open Your Eyes**

"_Every single day, I find it hard to say,  
__I could be yours alone,  
__You will see someday, that all along the way,  
__I was yours to hold. I was yours to hold.  
__I'm stretching but you're just out of reach, you should know,  
__I'm ready when you're ready for me and  
__I've waited for the right time, for the day I catch your eye  
__To let you know that I'm yours to hold."  
__-"Yours to Hold" by Skillet_

I did not talk to Jasper. Despite all of the messages left on my phone, notes tucked under the windshield wipers on my Volvo and random emails demanding that I speak to him, I refused to talk to my Southern friend.

By the time the photo-shoot rolled around I was a pro at ignoring them.

And they were pretty damn pissed. But I could care less.

The only person, ironically, making an effort to talk to me was Bella. And she had been my liaison with Alice, because Alice was too close to Jasper and I refused to have anything to do with Jasper because I would undoubtedly get roped into whatever inane plan he had concocted.

On the morning of the photo-shoot I had several very angry telephone messages from Alice as well as another text message from Emmett telling me that I needed to get my butt in gear and talk to Jazz.

Yeah, right.

I listened to Alice's messages and finally decided to call her back because she sounded like she was on the brink of a panic attack. Only Alice could go into full-blown hysterics over whether or not to have a model go bra-less or with a strapless bra. None of these concerns applied to me, but Alice sounded like she was crying and that made the gentleman in me cringe.

I hit her number on speed-dial and waited, Alice answered before the end of the first ring, "Edward Anthony! I can't believe it took you this long to call me!"

"I'm sorry," I replied, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"No you're not," she replied loftily. "You've been avoiding all of us all week and I'm tired of it. Fine, you don't want to talk to Jasper—even though his plan is fabulous, if I do say so myself—we get it, but still that does not give you the reason to avoid us like the plague!"

"I'm sorry," I said again but with less conviction.

I could practically hear her glare over the phone, "Whatever, Edward."

"Alright, Ali, what do you want me to say?"

There was silence for a moment and I contemplated repeating my question on the off chance that she didn't hear me. "I don't know, Edward. I just wish you could see what we see."

I sighed, "Ali, this isn't a fairytale. Things don't always work out."

"But Edward, I can see it clear as day! You and Bella would be perfect together, if you would just stop being stubborn and tell her how you feel!"

"No, Alice. I won't do that to her. I won't hurt our friendship like that—now stop beating that dead horse."

"Fine," she sighed and I could hear the weariness seep into her voice.

"Fine," I repeated, letting my own fatigue settle into my body.

"Edward?" Alice asked in a small voice, "Do you really not want Bella to love you?"

"Not at the cost of her own happiness," I said. "I want Bella to want to love me the way I love her. But don't want her to be guilted into it; I don't want it to feel like an obligation. I want her to decide it; I want her to fall in love with me on her own."

Alice made a strange squeaking noise and then mumbled something that sounded like, "You seriously need to talk to Jasper." But I couldn't be sure because the words were muffled.

"Ok, Alice," I sighed, "now what have you been calling me so frantically about?"

"Oh!" She said, "Yeah, I don't know whether or not to make Tanya wear a bra."

Normally questions like this would be deferred to Bella, but I didn't want to call her and ask her about bras because that would be supremely awkward.

"Alice, I don't know," I groaned.

"Well, you're the photographer!" She said.

"And you're the stylist, figure it out on your own," I sighed, rubbing my fingers in tight circles on my temple. I could feel a headache coming on.

"Fine, Edward," she sighed. "Oh, I put Bella in a sexy dress, so you're forewarned."

"I don't care, Alice," I said. "Really, I don't. Bella could be naked and I wouldn't care—you want to know why?"

"Not really, but you're going to tell me anyways aren't you?"

"Yes, I am. I don't care because I will not pursue Bella. I will not ruin the relationship she is in right now because I feel like she should be with me."

"Don't be a martyr, Edward," Alice groaned.

I rolled my eyes, "Is there anything else you need, Alice?"

"No, Edward," she sighed. "We're going to meet at the warehouse at 10, ok?"

"Ok," I sighed, staring at my MapQuest directions to the abandoned warehouse Alice wanted me to shoot at, "I'll be there."

"You better," she growled, "I'll hunt you down and make sure that you'll never be able to reproduce and will forever speak in a soprano if you don't show up."

Oh lovely. What imagery. "I'll be there, Alice," I said, because I was rather fond of my man-parts and I wasn't letting Alice anywhere near them. Let alone harm them.

"Good," she said in a sugary voice and then hung up on me. Infuriating little fairy.

I tossed my phone onto my bedside table and went to take a quick shower. I really didn't want to do this photo-shoot. I hated working with live models because they needed breaks and they needed to be catered to and your success hinged on another person. When photographing trees, I didn't need to buy them fresh spring water, or stop to make sure their make-up was perfect.

But I had to make this work, because Alice wanted it. And Bella wanted it. And this Tanya chick wanted to be a model and this was her chance at being one. And it would let a lot of people down if this photo-shoot failed.

I threw on a pair of jeans and an old shirt from high-school that was holey and worn in all the right places. It was actually Bella's. We'd gone to a Beck concert the summer after junior year and she'd caught the T-shirt but it was too big for her so she gave it to me.

It was another object in my life that tied me to Bella. If I were to have gone through all of my possessions and been rid of everything that tied me sentimentally to Isabella Swan I would probably be destitute. Because everything I had reminded me of her.

The drive to the warehouse was solemn. I tried to ignore my cell-phone which was ringing incessantly. I had glanced at the ID once and it was Alice and I'd already talked to her so I decided whatever she needed could wait.

When I pulled into the nearly-empty parking lot I was accosted by the person I least wanted to see: Jasper Whitlock.

"Why won't you answer Alice's calls?"

"Because," I shot back, leaning into my backseat and snagging my camera equipment.

"That's not a reason, Edward," he said.

I didn't even look at him; I just flipped him off as I grabbed a lens off the floor of my car.

"That's real nice, man," Jasper said lazily. "I get it, you're pissed off—but that still gives you no right to treat Alice like crap."

"For the record, I've been treating everyone like crap—it's not like Alice was singled out—and it's all because of you. And seriously, dude, I thought you'd be on my side and would stop trying to set me up with Bella!"

"Listen, I'm not on anyone's 'side' in this," he sighed, taking one of my camera bags from me in an effort to be helpful, "I'm actually trying to get you to do what's best for you—but if you would extricate your head out of your ass for one moment, then I think you would realize that."

"Seriously, Jazz?" I demanded. "I'm the only one thinking logically about this!"

"Yeah right," he spat, "you're not seeing the whole picture. You're being selfish and you're only looking at how this would impact you. But you need to open your eyes!"

"All of you need to stop telling me to do that, it's getting annoying!" I snapped at him, taking my bag back.

"Well maybe if you would listen the first time we wouldn't have to repeat it!"

I rolled my eyes at him, "Leave me alone, Jasper."

"Fine, but Edward, don't expect me to help you when you really need it," he said and then stalked back into the warehouse. I was left to carry all of my bags in by myself. Whatever. At least I wouldn't have to talk to him.

It took some finagling but I got all of my equipment into the warehouse and was instantly greeted by the oppressive smell of hairspray.

Alice ran over to me and dragged me over to a beautiful woman with piles of strawberry blonde curls. I was actually stunned by how pretty she was, I'd never really been attracted to a woman besides Bella.

So this woman sitting here, in front of me, wearing this stunning white dress was a little disconcerting.

She had deep, brilliant blue eyes and a captivating smile.

"You must be Edward," she purred in a sweet soprano voice, extending her hand.

I took her hand and brought it up to my lips, placing a small kiss along her knuckles, "And you must be Tanya."

"Indeed," she said breathlessly.

I heard a quiet noise of disgust and turned to see Bella glaring at me from across the room. Oh God. This was going to be an interesting day.

Very interesting, indeed.

* * *

**I feel the need to repeat this: Tanya is not going to be a bad guy. I like Tanya. **

**And...SNOW! Last night/this morning we got dumped with a bunch of snow! Like 8 inches. I thought our power was going to go out and I wouldn't be able to post--but you guys are in luck, my power is going steady despite the fact that it's still snowing. **

**This story is about to get interesting.... ;)**

**PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW. Please. I don't want to beg. But .**


	16. And So Love, True Love

**Chapter 15: And So Love, True Love**

"_Did he see it coming?  
__Dying in a bath of shame?  
__While all his hopes past him by  
__And all his fears had killed him dry?  
__I can see what he was thinking  
__It's so easy if you try  
__Because killing yourself with a silver dagger just to show how much you love her  
__Is worth the pain  
__Then to hear her cry your name."  
__-"Take Me Home" by After Midnight Project_

Bella continued to glare at me for the rest of the morning. I didn't understand what I had done to her; but she didn't get me the time of day. I really wished that I could talk to her because she looked absolutely beautiful.

Alice had put her in this gorgeous black dress. There were angular cut-outs along the torso that accented her slim figure.

Why did I have to be so enraptured by her? Why couldn't things be easy for us, for me, for her?

"She looks beautiful, doesn't she?" Alice asked softly, catching me staring.

I nodded mutely. "I can't do this, Ali."

"Can't do what?" She asked.

"This! This whole thing!" I said, irritated, running my hands trough my hair. "I can't do this with Bella. I can't."

"Edward, stop rambling," she demanded, gently extricating my hands from my hair. "What exactly can't you do?"

"Be in love with her. I can't do it anymore."

"So you don't love her anymore?" She asked in a small voice.

"I don't know, I don't know how to not love her—I've done it for so long," I admitted.

"You can never stop loving her," Alice said, "she was your first love—but she doesn't have to be your last."

"Why are you so resigned to this?" I asked, "I thought that you wanted me to be with Bella?"

"No, I want you to be happy and I knew you would with Bella. That's why I pushed so much." Alice said softly, fiddling with the hem of her skirt.

"I wish I could be happy with her," I sighed. "But this infatuation is ruining my relationships with all of you—I've been selfish."

"No," she corrected, "you've been blind, love tends to do that to you." She bumped her hip against mine and gave me a small, sad smile.

"I'll need help, Alice. I seriously don't know how to give her up," I said.

"We'll help, Edward," she said; but her tone was far away, as was her gaze.

And then I saw him. Someone I didn't recognize but I knew, in my heart, who it was. He made a beeline for Bella.

This should not have bothered me, I had given up after all; but just seeing a new face that seemed to glow with the same love that I had once had was terrifying, disconcerting, maddening.

He had on some obnoxious T-shirt that said, 'One Man Wolf Pack' that I'm sure was supposed to be amusing in some way, but really wasn't. His hair was cropped short—like an Army buzz-cut and he was a good foot and a half taller than Bella.

He swept her into his arms and placed a rather disgusting kiss against her pristine lips. I wanted to run over to them and pry them apart and then gently wash Bella's lips—erase all trace of this new man; but I couldn't even move. My legs felt like someone had poured concrete into them; they were so heavy.

I felt my blood go from a dull simmer to a full on boil.

"I thought you were going to not be in love with her anymore," a rather unwelcome voice said from beside me—I had forgotten that Alice was there entirely. "If you're not going to be in love with her anymore than you have no right to be jealous, so knock it off."

"I'm not jealous," I croaked out, my throat felt thick.

"Edward, sweetie, you're practically green with envy."

No, I was green because I felt like I was going to throw-up.

Alice touched my arm tentatively, "Are you going to be all right?"

"No," I said before I could stop myself.

"Snap out of it, Edward," she commanded. "Grow a pair. Today, you've got a job to do and you need to clean up your act and do that job."

"I can't look at the two of them together," I told her.

"Says the man who wanted to give her up not five minutes ago," Alice scoffed. "You're as wishy-washy as a politician."

I glared at her; she glared right back in challenge. I tried to calm the eddy of emotions that swirled tumultuously inside of me. One on the one hand, I wanted to run away, never look back and forget everything about Bella; but, on the other, I wanted to run to her, gather her into my arms and confess myself to her.

I could hear Alice calling my name, but it took me several long minutes to tear my eyes away from Bella and her new boyfriend.

I went through the rest of the day on autopilot. I watched Bella and the boyfriend flirt shamelessly; occasionally I would take breaks to have a quick nip from the flask I kept in one of the many pockets of my camera bag.

On one such occasion, Jasper found me sitting on an overturned crate behind the warehouse, shamelessly guzzling liquid courage.

"You really are living up the whole 'tortured artist' moniker," he said, taking the small metal flask from my hands. "All you need is a joint between your fingers."

"Shove off," I said, making a half-hearted grab for the alcohol.

He unscrewed the cap and took a swing and then poured the rest onto the uneven, dirty concrete. "That stuff wasn't cheap, you know," I deadpanned.

"You'll never win Bella if you turn into an alcoholic," Jasper shot back, "Alice told me you were supposedly giving up, by the way."

I raised my eyebrows at him, "And yet, you're still making references about me and Bella being together?"

"I've known you so well for so long that I've come to realize that you make alarmingly rash decisions when you're upset."

I laughed humorlessly, "Jazz, it may have been a rash decision—but that doesn't mean I didn't mean it."

"No, I understand—you may have meant it at the time; but do you still mean it?"

"Yes…no, maybe?" I said. "God, I'm so confused." I mumbled, burying my face in my hands.

Jasper put his hand on my shoulder, "You'll figure it out."

I snorted, I doubted it. Jasper shrugged, and then walked back into the warehouse taking my flask with him and leaving me alone to stew in my misery.

Everything was so convoluted, it was ridiculous. I had a plethora of personal problems to work through before I could even think about Bella.

I had to look at the root of the problem: my ongoing love of Isabella Swan.

Was it worth it to love her? 'Hell yes' was my first reaction; but was it really wroth being ostracized by my friends? Being perpetually unhappy?

But if I gave her up would I be able to handle it? Could I smile at her wedding? Hold her children and not be disappointed that they weren't calling me Daddy? Could I stand to be in love, for the rest of my life, with someone who would never love me?

I groaned and scrubbed my hands across my face. What a mess.

I heard the sharp, staccato clicks of high heels against the pavement as I continued to battle myself internally. I looked up to see a soft white gown, pleated around a slim yet voluptuous figure.

"Hello, Tanya," I said, studying her face and trying to push away all lingering vestiges of my thoughts about Bella.

She shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest, "Everyone's getting pretty antsy in there; we're ready to shoot again."

I nodded slowly.

She sighed and put her hands akimbo. "You know, Edward, for how hard you try to act like you don't love her—it's pretty obvious."

"What?" I asked slowly.

Her violet eyes bored into mine, "You put up a good front, Mr. Cullen; but I don't think you realize we really only have one true love—now, why the hell are you squandering yours?"

My mouth felt dry and I'm pretty sure that I looked like a moron, sitting there with my mouth hanging open staring at the young woman before me. "I don't know," I hedged.

"Yes you do," Tanya argued. "I can tell you've been floundering with this all day; but I think you need to face the music?"

"Face the music?" I asked.

"Yep, you need to realize how powerful love like that is," she declared, "you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords," she waved her hand and smiled, "Anyway, you get the idea. So go in there and tell her how you feel!"

I chuckled, "As you wish."

She smiled and I couldn't help but smile back. Her movie quoting had been just the thing I needed. I felt strangely reenergized; I wanted to take on the world. But I had one small roadblock.

And by small, I mean rather large and muscular and seemingly intimately involved with my Bella. When Tanya and I walked back into the warehouse, he had his hands over the cutouts of her black dress and was leaving a trail of kisses over her pale, exposed neck.

"Down boy," Tanya said, putting her hand on my arm.

"I don't know how to do this," I admitted sheepishly.

She smiled, "There's really no manual on love—you have to figure it out for yourself."

I nervously plucked at my eyebrow ring, "I don't think I can figure it out."

"Why don't you talk to your friends?" She promoted. "Before you showed up this morning, I heard Alice and the hunky blonde boyfriend talking about you and your lady love. They were both of the opinion that you needed to talk to your blonde friend."

"Jasper," I sighed.

"Yeah, Jasper, they both thought that you should stop avoiding him and that you should just give in and hear what his plan is." She said. "And I have to agree with them."

"You don't understand," I shook my head, "Jasper has been coming up with the most cockamamie plans since high school. None of them have worked, most of the time I just end up embarrassed."

"Seriously, I heard them talking about the plan—and I think it sounds brilliant."

"What is it?" I asked, suspiciously.

She shook her head and pursed her lips, "Nu-uh, you ask your friend. It's not my place to tell you."

I studied her open, honest eyes for a moment, and then bent my head to give her a kiss on the cheek, "Thank you, Tanya."

She blushed, "You're very welcome, Edward. Good luck."

I nodded and trotted over to the other side, attempting to get to Jasper as quickly as I could.

"Oh, Edward, wait!" I heard an angelic voice call.

I felt my heart thud against my ribcage, "Yes, Bella?"  
"I want you to meet someone," she said happily, tugging the blissfully happy boyfriend behind her. His dark eyes were guarded as he assessed me.

I plastered a fake smile on my face, and extended my hand, "Hello, I'm Edward Cullen."

He smiled back, equally as tight and fake, "I'm Jacob, Jacob Black."

Ah, so the new threat had a name. Jacob.

"It's nice to meet you," actually it's really not because I'm going to take Bella back from you.

"Same here," he said.

Bella was staring hard at me. I smiled at her and she smiled back, cautiously.

"I—I really need to go talk to Jasper," I said, pulling away and Jacob put his arms around Bella. I turned before I could witness anymore; I really didn't need to see it.

I found Jasper lurking near the make-up stations. Apparently he'd been watching me and the boyfriend interact.

"Ok, I give—what's this genius plan of yours?" I said.

He grinned like the Cheshire cat. "I thought you'd never ask."

"Just shut up and tell me before I change my mind," I said.

"Ok, so here's the deal," he stated but suddenly Alice bounced up to him, clapping her hands. "Oh, I knew you'd come to your senses, Edward! I'm so glad, that Jacob guy is weird."

I rolled my eyes, "Just tell me already!"

"Alright already," Jasper said and then leaned close to me to whisper.

* * *

**Slight cliffhanger.**

**Ok, so Tanya is quoting "The Princess Bride", incase nobody figured that out. I love that movie. And Tanya is harmless. She won't be in the story anymore after this. The story is kind of coming to a close. Only a couple of chapters left! **

**PLEASE REVIEW. Get into the Christmas-spirit and give me a jolly review! :P**


	17. Finders Keepers

**Chapter 16: Finders Keepers**

"_And you, you knew the hand of the devil,  
__And you kept us awake with wolves' teeth,  
__Sharing different heartbeats in one night.  
__To call for hands of above, to lean on,  
__Would it be good enough, for me now?  
__To call for hands of above, to lean on,  
__Would it be good enough?"  
__-"Heartbeats" by Jose Gonzalez_

"Click the damn button, Edward," Emmett goaded.

"Leave me alone," I seethed. "Who invited you anyway? How did you find out about this?"

"Hey! You're doing this for my baby sister I have a right to be here."

"Ok, fine, but did you have to bring Rosalie?" I whined.

"Yeah! She's my wife!" He said, punching my shoulder.

"She's giving me a creepy smug look, like she knew this would happen," I said, glancing askance at Rosalie who sat on my couch with Alice, both looking at some weird baby supplies catalogue, oohing and ahhing over tiny socks or some other baby crap. But I knew they were eavesdropping on us.

"No she's not," Emmett said, "stop being such a pansy."

"Yeah, seriously, Edward," Jasper said.

I pushed my chair away from the table. "I can't do this."

"The hell you can't," Emmett boomed. "Here I'll do it for you!"

"No!" I cried, lunging at him as he leaned across the table and click the small button.

He laughed, "See there was that so hard?"

"Oh my God, I can't believe you guys let me do this," I mumbled.

"Suck it up, Edward, this is probably the best thing that will ever happen to you," Rosalie said loftily from the couch; I turned to see Alice nod in agreement as they continued to look through their magazines.

"How do we even know this is going to work?" I asked.

"Why wouldn't it work?" Alice demanded. "You and Bella are meant to be. It's fate, kismet, destiny—whatever you want to call it."

"Yeah, but who says she'll even look at this stupid thing," I demanded.

"Because I plan on talking her into giving one more person a chance," Alice replied.

"She seems pretty in love with this Jacob guy, how do you plan on doing that?" I inquired.

"Oh, I have my ways," Alice said cryptically.

We all stared at her for a little bit, but she just smiled back creepily—I decided that I would never again question the dark art of Alice's persuasive skills.

Jasper and Emmett migrated over to the couch, allowing me to sit and stare at my computer alone.

The profile read,

**Anthony Masen, Gender: Male, Age: 25, Race: Caucasian**

It went on about what a great guy I was and that I was dateable and everything. Blah, blah, blah. I felt so exposed, so frightened that this wouldn't work—that this stupid dating website wouldn't match me with Bella. And that I'd never even have a chance with her.

I also felt sneaky and underhanded. She would be disappointed that I'd lied to her if she did find out. How would I justify this? What could I say? I knew why we were being so secretive. Somewhere I understood the necessity for an alias, why Bella couldn't know that it was me—she wouldn't look twice if she knew it was me—but I still felt, somehow that she would never love me the way she would perhaps love this Anthony persona.

"I don't think this way a good idea," I said in a strained voice.

"Don't be so paranoid, Edward," Emmett said, turning to look at me over his shoulder.

"I'm lying to her like this, Emmett—she won't be falling for me, it will be for this Anthony person."

"Edward, this will work, I promise," Jasper said earnestly.

I wanted so badly to trust him. "This is my one chance, Jazz. What if it doesn't?"

"This isn't your only chance, Edward," Alice said softly. "This is only the beginning; if this doesn't work we'll try again. Winners never quit and quitters never win."

"I don't know if I'm up for more failure," I told her.

"Oh, Edward," she sighed, "have a little faith."

I sighed. I had no faith in anything anymore. A small part of me wanted to believe that this would be the way that I would finally capture Bella's heart. I wanted it to be true, I longed for it to be—but realistically it might now. Who's to say that it was going to work, Alice couldn't see the future; she didn't know.

Why would she even look twice at this phony profile on some crappy dating website?

Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett stayed for a couple of more hours, mooching stuff out of my fridge and generally being hopeful and happy about my finally giving in and signing up for the dating website from hell.

They finally left around eleven and I was allowed to wallow around my apartment, thinking about Bella and Jacob and everyone and how much my life sucked ass.

It was ridiculous.

I fell into bed, not even bothering to undress and feel into a restless sleep.

_"Edward?" She asked, her breath fanning across my face. I groaned and rolled over. "Edward, wake up."_

_"Five more minutes," I mumbled._

_"No, Edward, now," she commanded. I lifted my face away from the brown earth, my cheek was dented from having fallen asleep on such a rough surface. We were in our meadow._

_Bella was dressed in a white dress that had a wolf on it. What the hell?_

_"C'mon, Edward," she pleaded grabbing onto my arm and tugging on it hard._

_"Bella, Bella, calm down," I said, my voice sounded weird—muffled, like I had cotton shoved in my mouth._

_"No, Edward, we have to go, now!" She said hoisting me to my feet with strength I didn't know she possessed._

_"What's the matter?" I asked._

_"He's coming," she said._

_"Who?" I asked, taking her trembling hands into my own._

_"James," she said, licking her lips—her bright brown eyes pleading with me._

_She gasped and then turned sharply, "He's here."_

_And then James Belmont walked into our meadow, our beautiful, untainted meadow. I had to do a double-take because it kind of threw me for a loop that his eyes were a violent, blood red._

_"Bella get behind me," I said._

_She shivered delicately and then stood behind me._

_"I believe you have something that is mine, Mr. Cullen," James purred, his creepy, freakish eyes flashing._

_"Like hell she's yours!" I spat. "She's mine!"_

_He laughed, the sound reverberating through the woods around us. "Yeah, right you can't even tell her that you love her!"_

_"Y-yes I can!" I yelled back._

_"Oh really?" He asked, stalking forward, "Prove it."_

_And then he moved as quick as lightning through the foliage and grabbed Bella from behind me. "Prove me wrong," he goaded. "Save her."_

_My feet felt glued to the floor as James laughed and Bella cried._

_"I-I'll save you, I love you Bella, I promise—I'll save you," I yelled, willing my feet forward but every step I took felt like it was pulling me back and Bella was further and further away. _

_I had tunnel vision and my head felt heavy, and my movements were weak._

_"You don't really love her!" James called from what seemed to be miles away, "You can't save her—you'll just watch as you lose her."_

_There was a noise like metal being ripped in half and then a wolf dove out of the foliage at James. He laughed as it took him down and clawed at his face. Bella stood off to the side, cowering._

_I tried to run to her, honest, I did. But my feet were so heavy, like they had sunken in mud._

_The wolf reared up on its hind legs and then slowly faded into Jacob Black. He turned to me and gave me a malicious grin, "The early bird always catches the worm."_

_"God dammit!" I yelled, "You're not a bird and she's not a worm! Please, I love her. I've loved her for so long!"_

_He shrugged and pulled Bella into his arms, "Finders keepers, losers weepers."_

_They disappeared behind the trunk of a thick pine and I was all alone. Alone in the meadow, alone in life, alone._

_Completely and utterly alone._

_My heart slowed down and I felt like I was going to vomit, my throat burned. So that is what dying felt like? Fire in your veins and your heart rending in two._

I woke up bathed in a pool of my own sweat, clutching to my sheets as I screamed.

Oh God. What if I really did lose her?

I'd just have to fight then, so that wouldn't happen.

* * *

**I don't really like this chapter. :/ Oh well, it's sort of filler before everything else happens. There are only four chapters left!! **

**Please leave a review!**


	18. It's OK, I'm a Doctor

**Chapter 17: It's OK, I'm a Doctor**

"_After all this time, I never thought we'd be here,  
__Never thought we'd be here.  
__When my love for you is blind,  
__But I couldn't make you see it,  
__Couldn't make you see it.  
__That I have loved you more than you'll ever know,  
__When part of me died when I let you go."  
__-"Blind" by Lifehouse_

I ended up in the backseat of Jasper's F-150 when we drove to Forks for Thanksgiving. I had initially wanted to drive myself, but I was a wee bit too hung-over to do that. So Alice and Jasper had very graciously allowed me to ride with them.

Read: Alice had kicked up a fuss until I had relented to go with them.

We spent the entire ride to Forks listening to Jasper's bluegrass music. I was debating beating my head against the window until my brain leaked out of my ears, but I figured it would ruin Jasper's upholstery and he'd be pissed at me.

When we passed the mile marker to our meadow I wanted to cry.

I'd had the bizarre James/wolf/losing Bella dream pretty much every single night since I made that dating website profile. Waking up screaming my throat raw, practically swimming in my own sweat was not what I really wanted to do at night.

As a side effect, I was a walking zombie. That's what sleep-deprivation will do to you. I looked like a frigging vampire, all dark circles under my eyes and pale skin. No lust for blood, but I was just waiting for it.

I could tell Alice and Jasper were having a silent conversation about me from the front seat. I kept catching them staring at me in the rearview mirror. Quite frankly, it was starting to creep me out.

I took out my phone and pretended to text someone. I was actually just typing a really long message to Bella that consisted of: I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Why the hell can't I say that?

Not that I would ever send that message, but it was still worth it to get out of awkward situations.

We were all staying with our families over the holidays, so Alice and Jazz were dropping me at Auntie and Uncle Cullen's before they headed out to the Whitlock place. Bella, Emmett, Rose and Jacob were all staying with Charlie, which I found moderately amusing. Charlie lived in an itty bitty house, and he was housing a very pregnant Rosalie, as well as a new boyfriend. I felt for the man.

Jasper pulled into the long drive that was so familiar to me, we drove down the tree-lined drive until my aunt and uncle's house came into view. The house of my youth.

Aunt Esme was waiting for me on the porch. I'd just had enough time to pull my suitcase from the back of Jasper's truck before she attacked me and pulled me into a hug. She squeezed my ribs too tight and then exclaimed, "You're too skinny."

"I'm fine, Aunt Esme," I reprimanded.

She shook her head and gave me a disapproving look before moving on and hugging Alice and Jasper. Uncle Carlisle shook my hand and helped me with my bags. He looked at my askance but said nothing—I could tell he was judging me and that I'd probably be invited to his office later on to 'discuss his concerns'.

I dreaded that. Carlisle never really got angry or upset, he just had this smooth, utterly-concerned tone that made you want to confess your sins and beg forgiveness. He would've made a good priest or a psychiatrist.

Soon, Alice and Jasper pulled out of the driveway and I was left to the awkward task of 'catching up' with my only living relatives.

"So, Edward, how is your work going?" Carlisle ventured. Work was a safe subject, something that was chaste and not too deep. Carlisle knew to start with something easy like this and then get into the tough stuff—he thought he could lull me into a false sense of security.

"Work's good, I recently did a photo-shoot with models, so that's something different—perhaps it will appeal to a different demographic than the nature photography I normally do."

Aunt Esme nodded; she was of the opinion that a photographer was not a stable job, despite the fact that I made enough to live a fairly comfortable life.

Carlisle smiled, "That's good, and how are you doing otherwise?"

Otherwise generally meant if I'd meet anyone.

"Actually," I said, taking a stab in the dark, "I signed up for a dating website recently, I'm hoping to find someone." I kind of left out the part where it was for the sole purpose of being matched with Bella, but I didn't feel like explaining that to my aunt and uncle.

"Oh, Edward!" Aunt Esme gushed, puling me into a bone-crushing hug, "That's wonderful! Isn't it wonderful, Carlisle?"

Carlisle rubbed his chin and smiled at me, I could see something hesitant in his gray eyes, something questioning. Oh crap, Carlisle was on to me. I briefly tried to communicate to him not to say anything to Esme. He nodded slightly and I knew we would be discussing this further, now it was unavoidable.

I managed to get through the rest of dinner without further incriminating myself. Carlisle kept sending me loaded glance, which I tried my best to ignore. I was pretty sure that Aunt Esme was oblivious to what was going on between us; but she was more observant than she let on.

As Aunt Esme cleared the table and started in on the dishes, Carlisle beckoned me to his office.

Once we were seated comfortably in his office, he started in on me. "So, Edward, you've signed up for an Internet dating site? Does this perhaps, have something to do with the young man I hear is staying with Chief Swan over this weekend?"

"No, it has nothing to do with Jacob," I spat, hating thinking about how Jacob got to be introduced as Bella's boyfriend, how he got to be the one who slept on Charlie's lumpy couch, and have an awkward conversation with him about being good enough for Bella.

"But it has everything to do from Bella," Carlisle deduced.

"Yes," I mumbled.

"So, despite the fact that she now has a serious beau, you're still pining after her?" He asked.

"When you put it that way, it sounds really pathetic," I noted. "What I'm doing is formulating a plan, one that hopefully, in the end, will win the heart of the woman I have loved for years."

"And what exactly is this plan? If you don't mind my asking?" Carlisle said smoothly.

I sighed, "It's hard to explain, Jasper came up with it."

Carlisle chuckled; he was as familiar with Jasper's asinine plans as I was. "So the idea this time was for her to actually choose to go out with you."

"Well," I hedged, "my profile on this dating site is actually under an alias, so she wouldn't really know it was me."

Carlisle quirked an eyebrow and then let out an exasperated sigh, "Edward, what are you thinking?"

"I don't know!" I said, pressing the heels of my hands into my eyes, "Actually, I was just thinking: what if this works? What if this will be the time that I can actually love her, and she loves me back?"

"But you don't have to register for some dating website under a moniker to tell her that! Edward, you're a grown man, you shouldn't be afraid to tell a woman how you feel."

"But what if she doesn't love me back?" I asked.

"Edward, are you blind?" Carlisle demanded, "Bella has loved you as long as you have loved her."

"No she hasn't," I said. "If she did, then why would she have dated all of those guys when we were in high school and college—why couldn't she have just said, 'Hey, Edward, I just thought I'd tell you I love you'?"

"Because, maybe she's as afraid of rejection as you are," Carlisle said.

"So, let me get this straight," I reasoned, "Bella might secretly love me as I love her—but for some inexplicable reason, she's still dating other people?"

"I don't think she's necessarily 'dating other people' as you so put it. More that she is trying to convince herself otherwise, as you did for so long."

I blinked a couple of times, processing what Carlisle was telling me, "So you think I should just stop all of this and tell Bella how I really feel?"

"Yes, but that is just my opinion," Carlisle said, "if you feel this path you have taken is the way to woo her, then you should continue on it."

"But you don't think it's the right way?" I asked.

"No, but that is just my opinion. I never would have tricked your aunt into loving me."

"So you think that I'm tricking her into loving me?" I demanded, rising from my seat on one of his overstuffed leather chairs and starting to pace around the room.

"I'm not going to presume anything, Edward," Carlisle replied, standing and putting a firm hand on my shoulder. "All I want you to do is think about this a little bit more, and then decide if this is the best way to pursue her."

I nodded and walked out of his office. Carlisle had given me a lot to think about.

I guess, I always knew that there was a possibility that Bella could love me—but then there was a greater possibility that she didn't. Her behavior pointed to the 'she didn't' theory. Everything that had happened between us over the past few months made me believe that she didn't love me; but, there was a remote possibility that she could.

And if I could grasp at that possibility, how would I do it? Would I continue through with my plan of this whole dating website thing? Or would I be straightforward with her? Could I be brave enough for that?

I found myself pacing back and forth in front of the glass wall in my old room. Brooding over everything Carlisle had given me to think about.

"Edward?" I heard a voice call from the door, followed by a tentative knock. I turned to see Aunt Esme look in and smile.

"You can come in," I told her.

"Don't be upset with Carlisle," she said, gauging my mood, "he's just being honest with you."

"So he told you about our conversation?" I asked with a humorless chuckle.

"Yes," she nodded, "and I have to agree with him, Edward."

"I knew you would," I muttered.

"That's not the point," she said gently, sitting on the edge of my old bed. "We both just want you to be happy. And you're not happy like this, not really. You're worried and discontent."

I sighed and leaned against the glass wall. "I don't know how to be happy without her."

"Well, if this grandiose plan of yours doesn't work, you're going to have to learn."

"I know," I sighed, dropping my head into my hands and sliding down the wall until I fell to the floor. I heard the bed springs creak and felt Aunt Esme's hand gently rubbing my back. It reminded me of all the times she'd comforted me after I had nightmares after a child.

I'd go running to their room and dive into the bed next to her, and she'd rub my back and hum softly. Just like a mother would. I didn't remember my mom at all—and I vaguely remembered my dad comforting me sort of like that before he was deployed.

I wanted my Dad. I wanted his advice.

I wanted to know how he wooed my mom. I didn't know their story—I didn't know how 'they' came to be. For the first time in almost ten years, I cried over my lost parents.

Esme left me alone after a while, alone with my thoughts.

Alone.

* * *

**Ok, so the title of this chapter is totally for my big sister. It's from this HILARIOUS Twilight spoof. I'm posting a link to the youtube video on my profile, seriously you need to go watch it. I laughed for hours after I watched it. **

**I've always really loved Carlisle. He's one of my favourites. :) Because..._he's a doctor. [WE KNOW!] _(Yes, Sista, I threw that in there for you!) ;)**

**Please leave a review!**


	19. Yeah, Thanks

**Chapter 18: Yeah, Thanks**

"_And I'd stand there, like a soldier with my foot upon his chest,  
__With my grin spread and my arms out in my blood stained Sunday best,  
__And you'd hold me, I'd remind you that you are under their shell.  
__I'd walk through hell for you, let it burn right through my shoes,  
__These soles are useless without you.  
__Walk through hell for you, let the torturing ensue,  
__My soul is useless without you."  
__-"I'd Walk Through Hell for You" by Say Anything_

The Cullens always hosted Thanksgiving dinner. Ever since I was little, they would invite my friends and their parents over for that one epic meal. It was just tradition. So now I was helping Aunt Esme cook a turkey that was big enough to feed a whole third world country—or just a couple of adults, plus Emmett who could probably eat an entire cow if given the opportunity.

Esme always insists that we all dress in our Sunday best for 'family events' like Thanksgiving, so I was standing in the middle of her big kitchen, wearing oven mitts along with a pair of charcoal trousers and a pressed button-down. I felt very domestic and very stupid.

"Edward, can you please put these pies in the oven?" She asked, handing me two pumpkin pies. They smelled heavenly, just the right mix between spice and rich pumpkin.

I opened the door to one of her ovens—she had two, my Aunt Esme is the real Betty Crocker—and shoved the pies onto the rack.

She smiled at me and then told me to check on the bird. I knew she was trying to keep me busy so that I wouldn't think about the people coming over in a couple of hours, namely Bella and Jacob.

I really didn't want my aunt and uncle to meet Jacob. I didn't want them to give him their glowing approval. Bella saw my aunt and uncle as a second set of parents—her mom had crapped out on her before I had even come into Forks, so Esme had basically assumed the role of mother in Bella's life, so it was only natural that she would want the Cullen seal of approval on Jacob.

Of course, I selfishly hoped that Aunt Esme and Carlisle thought Jacob was a douche-bag like I did, but I had no guarantees about how they would feel about him. They had told me that just because I thought he was a demon summoned from hell for the explicit purpose of ruining my life that they weren't going to make any preconceived notions about him just because of my opinion.

Esme handed me the green bean casserole to wedge into the oven and soon, I was sitting at the kitchen island, staring at the ovens.

"Edward, a watched pot never boils," Carlisle said, meandering into the kitchen, and glancing at the turkey.

"What else am I supposed to do?" I asked.

"I don't know," he said. "Not stare at the ovens and just dread the moment Bella and Jacob come over."

"I'm not dreading it," I mumbled, grabbing one of the leftover marshmallows from the sweet potato casserole.

"Oh yeah, you're not," Carlisle nodded, snagging one of my marshmallows.

"Please, Carlisle, a little support?" I asked, popping another marshmallow into my mouth.

He shrugged and we polished off the marshmallows together, making small talk—though I never successfully forgot about Bella and Jacob.

By one they arrived. Charlie had driven them over in the cruiser while Emmett and Rose were in the Jeep. I had the perverse satisfaction of watching Jacob climb out of the back of the car from behind the thick metal barrier. I was nearly positive Charlie had put him back there as a test; and obviously it had pissed Bella off. Her cheeks were a delicious cherry red and her eyebrows were angry lines over narrowed eyes. She grabbed Jacob's hand and turned her back on Charlie.

He sighed and shook his head, but I could tell he was trying not to laugh.

Aunt Esme greeted our guests at the door and made everyone hug and kiss. She dragged Rosalie and Bella to the kitchen and left me, Emmett, Charlie, Carlisle and Jacob standing awkwardly in the foyer.

Finally, Carlisle ushered us into the living room where he turned on the football game. Instantly Emmett and Charlie were into it and I knew that while Carlisle looked entranced by the game he was really keeping tabs on the dirty glares that Jacob and I were sending to each other.

We were pulled from our glaring by a knock at the door signaling the Whitlock's arrival. Jasper could be my ally during this dreaded dinner date.

Esme called us all into the formal dining room where we took our seats. I was across from Bella and Jacob, and I knew that this was going to be awkward. Carlisle stood at the head of the table and asked everyone to bow their heads as he said grace. I sent up my own little prayer that everything would work out in my love life.

Dinner flowed quickly; I was lost in a haze of turkey and Bella. I probably stared at her like and effing idiot the entire meal. I'm sure Jacob picked up on my attention.

Eventually the men were left to clear the table and wash the dishes, a task that I did mindlessly, trying to ignore Jacob where he stood drying dishes.

After dinner my aunt sent me to go play 'background music' on the piano as the rest of my friends lugged Esme's nine foot artificial Christmas tree out of the attic. I was cordoned on in the parlor, with a view of them in the living room through the doorway. I kind of liked the seclusion; it gave me a reprieve to think.

"Bella, I don't think he's a good friend for you," I heard a harsh whisper say from the kitchen, my fingers stalled on the piano keys but continued through the chorus of Jingle Bells so that the others wouldn't know something was wrong.

"Stop it, Jake. He's my best friend—I'm not just going to stop being friends with him just because you don't think I should!"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure he's just your friend."

"He is!"

"Yeah right! I know, remember."

"Don't bring that up again. You weren't supposed to see that."

"Yeah, but I did."

"Please, Jake, just let it go."

"No. Listen, Bells, you don't see what I see."

"And what do you see?"

"I think he's just jealous of me—he looks at you like he could just eat you up. I think you're being blind."

"I'm being blind?"

"Yes, blind!"

"I'm not going to stop hanging out with him! It's not up to you who I do or do not associate with!"

"C'mon, Bells, you've got to be kidding me. It's not a healthy relationship! For either of you. Especially you! I think maybe he might be in love with you—what would you say to that?"

I felt my blood turn ice cold in my veins and my stomach twisted liked I was going to be sick. This time I did stop playing—but quickly recovered and started playing Deck the Halls, it was an easy enough tune and I could still listen to their conversation.

"Edward's not in love with me," she said, slightly affronted. I couldn't tell why her voice was so guarded, but I wished I could've seen her face as she said that, then I would have been able to tell what the meaning behind those words was.

I heard a door slam and then Bella was storming past me, through the parlor and into the living room. Jacob followed after, a dark look on his face. He sneered at me was he strode by.

What in the world had just happened?

I wondered what impact exactly this argument would have on their relationship. I could already tell it seemed strained, and then they were arguing about me? I was so confused.

I walked into the living room to see them on opposite sides of the room, pointedly ignoring each other. Bella paid me a great deal of attention for the duration of the evening, and even asked if she could ride home with Em and Rose so that she wouldn't have to be in the cruiser with Charlie.

I thought that this was a small success in my fight for Bella's heart.

And apparently, I wasn't the only one picking up on the undercurrent of tension between the two 'lovebirds'. As she and Jasper left, Alice pulled me aside.

"They're not good for each other," she said in a harsh whisper.

I quirked an eyebrow at her.

"I see my window of opportunity," she said archly, "perhaps tonight Bella will be receptive to the idea of dating someone else."

I shook my head at her, "Please, don't upset her with this idea."

"Oh, she won't be upset. She's practically begging for it. She's seen how incompatible she and Jacob are."

"Ok," I sighed, rubbing my forehead.

She leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek, "You'll see, in the end this will all work out."

"I sure hope you're right."

"I'm always right," she said playfully, skipping back to Jasper's side and giving me a final, parting wink.

I was left to worry about what would happen next for the majority of the night. My fate was essentially in the hands of a meddling little lady who liked to pretend she was a master matchmaker.

I awoke to my phone vibrating on my bedside table.

**It took some convincing but Bella said yes 2 going out w/ Anthony M! ;)**

Bella had said…yes?

She said yes.

Oh God.

She said yes.

* * *

**How's the new year been thus far? My year has been pretty uneventful. But uneventful is good, I have to go back to school soon, though. Bah. **

**Only two chapters left!!**

**Please leave a review!!**


	20. Deceit

**Chapter 19: Deceit**

"_There's no one in town I know  
__You gave us some place to go.  
__I never said thank you for that.  
__I thought I might get one more chance.  
__What would you think of me now,  
__so lucky, so strong, so proud?  
__I never said thank you for that,  
__now I'll never have a chance."  
__-"Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World_

"Ok, so you're meeting her at La Bella Italia, and the 'sign' that you're Anthony is that you've got this bouquet for her," Alice said, shoving a bouquet of red tulips into my hands. I knew the meanings of the flowers, but I hoped that Bella would understand as well.

"Alice, what if this doesn't work?" I asked, feeling nauseous.

"It is going to work. She agreed to meet with you, didn't she?"

"No, she agreed to meet with Anthony Masen. What the hell's she going to think when she sees it's me?!" I demanded, running my hands through my hair, messing up whatever style Alice had fashioned it into.

"Calm down," Alice chided, straightening my shirt collar. "This will work out, I promise!"

I sighed and sat down on the edge of my sofa.

The last two weeks had left me a mess of nerves. I'd been emailing Bella every night, as Anthony, on a phony email account that Alice and I set up. It was so hard to pretend not to know her—to try to be this new person trying to get to know her all over again.

I knew that this was going to fail. I just knew it. There was this horrible feeling that I'd had brewing in my stomach since Thanksgiving that felt like everything was going to go to hell in a hand basket.

"Think happy thoughts, Edward. Believe that this is going to work and it will happen, if you're going to be pessimistic about it, then you might as well call her and tell her you're sick and forever give up on Bella." Alice said, pulling me up off the couch and dusting nonexistent lint off my dress slacks.

I wasn't feeling very optimistic. Edward Cullen and optimistic go together about as good as Mentos and Diet Coke.

"Please, Edward, don't screw this up," she said as she pushed me out of my own apartment and locked the door so that I couldn't get back in. Several seconds later the door opened again and she threw my Volvo's keys out into the hallway and then the door was locked tight once more.

I stayed in the hallway for a couple of minutes trying to jimmy my lock open with a credit card.

I tried not to think about what I was going to do on this date. What were we supposed to talk about if she did decide to stay after the initial shock of finding out that I am Anthony Masen? Should I explain everything to her? Would she want to hear it?

Oh God, I was going to throw up.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Alice had sent me a text message, telling me to kick my butt in gear in get to the restaurant before Bella thinks she been stood up.

I sighed and plodded my way down the staircase of my building to the garage, where my trusty Volvo was parked. I slid into the driver's seat and started it.

"Well, buddy, this may be the day that I get Bella," I said, though I didn't believe it.

Quickly, I pulled out of the garage and onto the main road. It felt like the drive to the restaurant was inexorably long. My mind was going a hundred miles an hour all in a thousand different directions. I was pulled apart by my desire to love Bella and have her love me, or to let her be happy while I was elsewhere.

I lollygagged my way to the restaurant and by the time I got there, I could see that Bella was already seated. She had a red tulip pinned to the front of her dress, the sign. I hid the bouquet behind my back and told myself to man up as I pushed into the restaurant.

Bella stood when she saw me.

"Edward! What are you doing here?" She asked, confused.

I pressed my lips into a thin line and handed her the flowers, "These are for you, Miss Swan."

Her lips twitched as she looked at the flowers and then back at me.

"Edward? I-I don't understand." She said.

"I know. Just give me a chance to explain." I sighed running my hands through my hair. People were starting to stare at the two of us standing in the middle of the restaurant.

"Explain what, Edward? Why did you give me these flowers? Is this some kind of joke—you knew my date was going to bring them? What is this supposed to be?" She demanded, angry tears threatening to spill over onto her flushed cheeks.

"I am your date," I said in a low, ashamed voice. "It's always been me. I am Anthony Masen or rather he is me. It's just some stupid alias that I made up to set this up."

She opened and closed her mouth several times, tears ran down her cheeks and she finally spoke, "Why would you do this to me, Edward? Why would you lie to me like this?"

"Please, Bella, just give me a chance to explain everything," I begged.

Her ire kindled, she exclaimed—loud enough for the entire restaurant to hear—"Give you a chance? A chance, Edward?! You lied to me! Every single time I've spoken to you, it's all been a lie, hasn't it?! Why should I trust you anymore! Why should I even give you a chance to explain?!"

"Because I love you!" I shot back, equally as loud, "Because I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you—and I've waited so long to be able to tell you it! I was a coward to have waited this long, and I'm sorry, Isabella, I'm sorry! What else do you want me to say? I'm sorry for the lies, the deceit, I'm sorry that I made you suffer! I'm sorry that you had to go through so many crappy relationships because I made you wait.

"But, I love you. With everything I am, I love you. And I want you to love me. I know we can make this work. It was always you, Bella! You're the only one I'll ever want. You're my forever."

She stared at me for a long moment, fat tears rolling down her cheeks and my fingers ached to wipe them away.

"I can't do this, Edward." She dropped the bouquet and ran out of the restaurant.

I stood there, for a long time. I could hear the hushed whispers all around me.

'What just happened?'

'Did he get dumped?'

'What is she talking about?'

'Should somebody talk to him, see if he's ok?'

'Oh my God! He's crying!'

I grabbed the discarded bouquet from the floor and trudged away from the restaurant. Everyone stared.

I rubbed the back of my hand across my cheeks and they were, indeed, wet. I took a deep breath and chucked the flowers in to a nearby dumpster. I wouldn't be needing them anymore.

I didn't even have the guts to call Alice and tell her it failed. Bella had probably already called her anyway. I'm pretty sure I could guess what she said.

'Oh, Alice, it was terrible! Edward was actually my date! Can you believe that? I should have listened to Jacob, he does have a thing for me.'

I sighed. Bella wouldn't really call Alice and gossip about what a poor soul I was. She was probably going to head back to her apartment and cry for a bit—call Charlie, and soon my body would turn up in a dumpster somewhere. Yep, I was going to die because I broke Bella Swan's heart.

I could see the satisfaction on Charlie's face as he took me down.

'I'll go willingly, Chief.' I'd say. 'Anything is better than this hell.'

He'd nod and shoot me somewhere where I'd bleed out, somewhere where I could feel all of the blood draining from my body as I suffered. Yeah, that'd be nice.

Nobody would miss me anyway.

I climbed into my Volvo and found myself mechanically driving back to Forks. When I passed the mile marker for the meadow, something in my snapped. I could taste metal in my mouth, like I'd bitten my tongue and blood was blooming from the wound.

I jerked the vehicle over the shoulder and hopped out. After I found the first marker tree, I climbed through the trees until I was there.

The flowers were all dead because of the recent wintry weather.

I laid down in the center of the clearing, listening to the sounds around me.

The ground was wet underneath me and I could feel it soaking through my clothes. There were the corpses of dead flowers all around me. I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at them.

I knew I had gotten what I deserved.

I had lied to her. You can't build a relationship on falsehoods. I should have been honest from the beginning.

When I had gotten transferred into her first grade class I should have sent her one of those corny, little notes. Do you like me? Check 'yes' or 'no'. We could've been high school sweethearts. When Mike had asked her at the movie theater if she'd had a boyfriend she could've said, "Yes, in fact I do!" I could've really taken her to prom, not just broken her date's nose and danced with her in the parking lot as we both got soaked because of the rain.

I could have married her.

Oh, we could've been so happy. So damn happy.

But I'd screwed it all up. Just because of this stupid dating site.

* * *

**Hate me. Go ahead, I'm cool with it. I'm prepared.**

**As of Monday, I've officially been a member of the fanfiction community for one year! It's been a fabulous year! Thank you guys for all of your support. I've had some faithful reviewers since the beginning [with Seven Brides, that feels like it was forever ago doesn't it?!], you guys rock. So a shout-out to Pam Briggs, garnetred, cabtwilighter and everyone else I probably forgot, because I just looked through a couple of pages of reviews for each story and those were the people I saw on every page. So everybody's whose stuck with me through the good and bad stories. Thank you so much!!**

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	21. Vita Bella

**Chapter 20: Vita Bella**

"_Best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting.  
__Could it be that we have been this way before?  
__I know you don't think that I am trying,  
__I know you're wearing thin down to the core.  
__But hold your breath,  
__Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you over again,  
__Don't make me change my mind.  
__Or I won't live to see another day; I swear it's true,  
__Because a girl like you's impossible to find. You're impossible to find.  
__This is not what I intended, I always swore to you I'd never fall apart,  
__You always thought that I was stronger,  
__I may have failed but I have loved you from the start…  
__So breathe in so deep, breath me in, I'm yours to keep,  
__And hold onto your words 'cause talk is cheap,  
__And remember me tonight when you're asleep."  
__-"Fall For You" by Secondhand Serenade _

"Edward, wake up."

No.

"Wake up, you're going to catch your death out here."

I'm not dead already? Sure feels like it.

"Fine, don't talk to me. I thought that's what you wanted, a chance to explain yourself."

That snapped me out of my self-induced coma.

I had fallen asleep in the meadow—I would probably pay for it later with a killer cold—and now that I was awake, I could see that Bella was hovering over me, a worried expression on her face.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded.

"Alice said you never came back to your apartment after I left the restaurant, and she got worried because she couldn't find you and you weren't answering your phone. I said I'd help her look."

I snorted, "Why would you care?"

"Why would I care?" She asked, her brown eyes glowing angrily. "Because I do, Edward! Because you're my best friend despite all of the poor decisions you've made."

"Oh, so I'm still just your best friend even though I love you."

"Stop saying that," she hissed at me.

"Stop saying what?" I demanded. "I love you? I can say it all I want. I love you. I love you. I love you. Edward Cullen is in love with Bella Swan. I love you. Love you. Te amo. Je t'aime. I love you. There."

I knew I was being childish; but I loved her and now that I had finally said it, it was surprisingly easy to repeat.

"Edward!" She chastised. "I said I'd give you a chance to explain yourself, now do it before I leave."

I sighed and dove into the tail.

I told her everything. How I'd fallen in love with her when we were in elementary school and just had never had the guts to tell her so. How I had so desperately wanted to tell her that day that we had talked about her signing up for the dating site. How I had actually told her that one day in the meadow. What Tanya told me at the photo-shoot. How much I wanted to kill Jacob. Jasper's plan. Everything. The whole shebang.

She was quiet throughout the ordeal, listening attentively.

Finally she whispered, "I thought I heard you say it, that day in the meadow."

"I thought you were asleep," I deadpanned.

"I was, I guess. I thought I was dreaming."

"Probably more like a nightmare," I snorted.

"No," she shook her head. "A good dream."

My stomach twisted funny, "What do you mean?"

She waved her hand and refused to answer my question. "Edward, why wouldn't you tell me? Why would you leave me out of this? This is something important; you should have talked to me about it!"

"I know," I sighed, "that's exactly what Alice said."

Bella smiled, a slight quirk of her mouth that made a dimple on her chin appear, "You should have listened to her."

"I know."

"I wish you had."

"You what?" I asked.

She sighed and laid down in the meadow next to me, she carefully annunciated every word as she said, "You should have listened to Alice."

"Please explain that."

She sighed, "Don't make me say it out loud, Edward."

"Say it, out loud," I goaded.

"Because I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Bella Swan is in love with Edward Cullen. I love you. Love you. Te amo. Je t'aime. I love you. There." She replied with a smirk.

My word turned upside down. My brain shut down and something else inside of me took over because I lunged at her, pulled her into my arms and devoured her mouth. I rolled on top of her and pulled her close.

"Why didn't you say anything sooner?" I demanded when I pulled away for air. "Why did you date all of those other guys if you really love me?"

"That's just it! Because I thought you didn't love me!" She said. "I thought it was painfully obvious that I loved you; but you never seemed to notice. Everyone else did, that's why Jake and I broke up."

"What?" I asked.

"We argued over Thanksgiving about you," she said.

"Yeah, I could hear you guys. I was in the piano room."

"Oh," she said, burying her face in the crook between my neck and shoulder. I could feel the heat of her blush. "We argued because he found out that I am in love with you."

"What?" I said, pulling back so I could look at her face, "I thought you were arguing because he found out that I was in love with you."

She giggled a little, "I guess we're both a little blind, then."

"Yeah," I nodded, leaning down to kiss her again. I would never tire of kissing Bella. "So how did Jake find out that you loved me and not him?" I asked a little smugly.

She sighed and rolled her eyes before pulling the hem of her shirt up.

There on her ribcage was a tattoo that said, _E.A.C. 10.17.90. _October 17, 1990. The day we met and my initials. Bella had gotten a tattoo. Right by her heart.

She sighed, "He first saw a little bit of it at the photo-shoot but finally made me tell him what it said at Thanksgiving."

I was still gaping at her, "You told me you'd never get a tattoo!"

"I lied," she shrugged.

"When did you get it?"

"After you got 'Vita Bella' on your chest. I liked to pretend that tattoo was about me, so I got one about you." She said, looking away and blushing.

I grinned, "That tattoo is about you, silly girl."

She smiled. "So what now?"

"What now?" I dared with a lopsided grin, "Well, little girl, I did promise you forever."

She smiled a little, "We have a lot of things to work through first, buddy. I'm still mad that you didn't tell me sooner."

I shrugged, "I have a long time to make it up to you."

"Yeah, forever!" She challenged.

I hummed in the back of my throat, "Hmm, forever. That sounds perfect."

* * *

**The End. No epilogue, no sequel. Deal with it. This was a story about beginnings, I'm not so good at writing about relationships. **

**Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed and supported this story! I really appreciate it!**


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